My first experience with facial masks was messy. I’d spread mud or clay over my face, accidentally scmush a little in my hair, in my nose and under my nails. 45 minutes later I’d wash it off, but I was never sure if there was still a little here, a little there.

That was until my birthday when Niles gave me a pack of 24 Korean second-skin masks from Amazon,  Super easy to use —  just remove the moist white paper mask, place it over the face for 15 minutes and voila! Refreshed, and audition-ready. They’re addictive! All different: apricot, platinum, snail, green tea, cucumber… Keep Reading»

Last night…  It’s a  typical night in the ER: one rainbow-haired “5150” who thinks he’s Jesus, restrained to the gurney;  two passionate hikers covered in red welts, itching in all the wrong places;  several “gunshot wounds” with gang members in the waiting room, demanding to know the status. Friendly? Or there to finish off the job?  I’m glad to have an excuse to leave for ten minutes when Triage Nurse, Anthony Chan shoves a wheelchair toward me with a Maternity Mom in it and a Dad next to it.

“Volunteer, take this couple up to L & D. Stat!”

On it! Gladly! I call up to L & D and tell them I’m on my way.

The Perils of PUSHING —

I speed-roll Maternity Mom +  Dad into the empty elevator.  Doors start to close, but a GIANT HAND intervenes. In walks a 6’6″ man attached to it. Uh-oh! With glares and territorial behavior happening in this elevator, it’s suddenly apparent… this  pregnant party isn’t a Couple… it’s a THRUPLE!!!

Maternity Mom (doubling over): “ooooooouuuuuuu…. eeeeehhhhhh….. ahhhhhhhhh!

Dad #1:” ” What are you doing here?”

Dad #2:  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Maternity Mom: “owwwww…. Owwwwwww… OWWWWWWW!”

Me: “Breathe.”

(Maternity Mom assumes the pushing face.)

Me: “Short breaths, fff–fff—fff”

Dad #1:  “Girl, I gave you everything!”

Dad #2 : “Nuh-uh, she needed more.” (pointing to his crotch.)

Maternity Mom: I need a BATHROOM!

Me: Don’t push.

Dad #1 to Dad #2: Fuck you!”

Dad #2 (louder):  “Fuck you!”

Maternity Mom: “Ow… OW…OWWWW… FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

(Exactly what got them all into this mess.)

Me: C’mon guys, obstetrics wasn’t covered in Volunteer Orientation!

Me: “Short breaths, blow, fff–fff–fff”

Dad #1:   “Breathe, baby —

Dad #2:   “Baby heart, you got this —

Maternity Mom:  “OWWWWWW! I’ve gotta get this outta me!”

(DING! Elevator door opens!)

Me: “CODE: BABY-COMING-OUT!”

(The Charge Nurse grabs the wheel chair)

Charge Nurse: “Taking her to Three. ”

(Dads shove each other out of the way. Charge Nurse blocks them.)

Charge Nurse: “Both of you. In the waiting room. Now! Don’t make me call Security.”

The door to Three closes. At last I can breathe.

I text Niles: “OMG, almost delivered a baby in the elevator”

PING! Incoming from Niles — Seth Meyers’ wife didn’t even make it that far.

OMG! SETH MEYERS’ WIFE Labored in the LOBBY!

YIKES!

Off-White Tee says it best!

Our nation is IN AWE of the fearless, resilient, articulate PARKLAND TEENS and their #Never Again Movement. They’ve taken on the President, Congress and the NRA and trust me, they’re just getting started.  Refusing to take “no” for an answer, they have more stick-to-itive-ness and chuzpah than the Senate and Congress combined.

When Leaders Act Like Children — CHILDREN BECOME LEADERS!

While the many who’ve tried and tried to make our country safer from maniac machine-gunners pessimistically shake their heads believing nothing will ever change, things actually are CHANGING… slowly but surely… It’s kind of A.MAZ.ING!

Headlines in the last week —

Walmart will raise age for purchase of firearms and ammunition to 21

A List of the Companies Cutting Ties With the N.R.A.

Dick’s Sporting Goods, a major gun retailer, to end sales of assault-style rifles after Florida massacre

Kroger Raises Age Limits on Gun Sales, Joining Walmart and Dick’s

WATCH-OUT out NRA! Parkland Teens are the LEADERS and VOTERS of tomorrow.

Hey Congress and President Trump — Isn’t it about time you GROW A PAIR?!

(Wish I could be as fearless as the Parkland Students. Maybe I need to find something I’m as passionate about. Sigh…)

2018  will be one of those years when you look back and go —

“Whoa! So much has changed for me!”

It’s a LUNAR year amplifying all of your intentions. January starts with a SUPER MOON and ends with an ECLIPSE, which comes every BLUE MOON. We’re looking at MAGICAL BEGINNINGS…

2018 (#2 or Master #11) is about YIN and all instincts FEMININE!

THINK WITH YOUR HEART AND SOUL —

Decide on what ways you want things to be better because it’ll be a highly transformative year. Don’t miss any opportunities. Manifest more of your soul’s purpose and authentic self by being intentional.

Focus on your dreams. Express yourself…be yourself… Let your authentic self out. Be the real YOU!

TRAVEL LIGHT AND LET GO OF THINGS THAT WEIGH YOU DOWN –

Keep Reading»

Who knew that on NEW YEAR’S EVE the color of your underwear determines the color of your future for the following year?! Whaaaa?!  I knew about red underwear and the fertility issues, but had no idea I could create my own destiny by choosing the right butt-hugging hue. YIKES! I’ve probably been wearing black on the 31^st — the absolute wrong choice! So that explains why things haven’t been going my way for the last few years, career-wise or otherwise. Ugh!

NEW YEAR’S EVE PANTIES COLOR GUIDE

RED for hot-hot passion and maybe a surprise around September. But if checking into Labor and Delivery isn’t in your September plan for 2018, you might go for —

YELLOW for good fortune, prosperity and the ability to pay off your credit card (ahhh, that would be nice) or — Keep Reading»

getting into the Ho Ho Ho

26 Christmas Songs To Wrap Presents By:

Little Saint Nick
The Beach Boys

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve
Rufus Wainwright

Santa Claus is Comin’ To  Town – Single Version
Bruce Springsteen

Someday At Christmas
Jack Johnson

Christmas
Rogue Wave

Christmas Baby
Love & Special Sauce Keep Reading»

Yesterday on my ER shift I almost go into cardiac arrest when I realize I’ve just fed a stack of crucial records for a critical Patient (currently in an ambulance speeding toward the ER) through the slot of a trash bin designated for shredding! In horror my eyes land on the big fat PADLOCK blocking my next move!  Nooooo!

Flash-back several minutes —

In the Waiting Room  Triage Nurse Anthony Chan, in his usual pissy mood, shoves two stacks of papers in my hands —

Personally hand this to the Charge Nurse and no one else, STAT! And stick these in the shredder bin. Within your skill-level, Volunteer?

I burst through the doors into Trauma, but the Charge Nurse isn’t there and no one knows where she is. I head toward the nearest Trash Bin to get rid of the other stack, but I run into Dr. A, who distracts me by making my heart beat faster (not my fault). Nonchalantly I slip the papers through the slot, flash him my killer smile and mosey on back to Triage…

I freeze when I spot Anthony Chan. F<#k! Keep Reading»