Posts Tagged ‘sucks’

This is the first Pilot Season where I’m just not invested.  Trying to figure out why.  More and more, it feels like the business side is overruling the creative side with FORMULAS being the FOCUS and that depresses me. It’s all about WHO THE NETWORKS WANT TO BE IN BUSINESS WITH – big name directors, big name talent. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but the emphasis on big name talent has changed Pilot Season for Actors like me. There are fewer and fewer opportunities if your name isn’t big.

BIG UGH!

And with all of the second-guessing and recasting, it’s even more stressful and exhausting. That’s part of it, but things just haven’t seemed the same since they stopped printing DAILY VARIETY. I miss my hard copies! I miss reading them leisurely over lattes and I miss caring about any of it!

I’m thinking about getting into MUSIC or FASHION or PHOTOGRAPHY – anything other than Acting, because living from one Pilot Season to the next SUCKS!

but while we’re on the subject… COMEDIES IN CONTENTION include: Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry, Mom — not feeling so optimistic right now.

Volunteering in the ER isn’t that hard most of the time. Though we help patients in stressful moments of need, we usually send them home with a fix or admit them upstairs for tests or rush them to the OR — and then move-on, “Next!” But every now and then I get sucked into the depth of someone’s despair and like quicksand it consumes me. The more experienced Volunteers, Doctors and Nurses appear to be affected the least. I guess that’s how they get through it.

TOLERATING TRAGEDY

I feel like our nation is experiencing an epidemic of “Desensitizeditis!”

Daily we hear about another random act of violence, often involving a gun and a possibly-bullied, off-balanced human who may or may not play video games, who watches a lot of violent movies and thinks it’s cool to go down in history as a cover story in People. No guilt or sadness over creating chaos and cruelty. No fear of repercussion. Just the overwhelming desire to do something devastating and LOUD. One last chance to be heard.

We as a society hear about it, read about it, Tweet about it —  and then move-on, “Next!” Meanwhile innocent people lose their lives. Family members and friends will never ever be the same. Civilization continues to sink. Maybe we can’t bear to focus on our own loss of safety and wellbeing. FEELING POWERLESS is not a good feeling. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m trying to remain calm, but I just finished my ER shift and I need to vent. Earlier, as I was driving to the Employee Parking Lot, a very Pregnant Woman was walking in the crosswalk talking on her cell. A man in the car to the left of me barreled through the crosswalk. He didn’t seem to notice or care about the Preggy Pedestrian. And the Mama-to-Be was so engrossed in the conversation, she wasn’t thinking about protecting her baby. The weirdest part was that no one seemed to notice — not the Driver, not the Pedestrian, only ME.

Am I in the Twilight Zone?

So just as I’m exclaiming “Whaaaa?” I drive into the parking structure that’s completely packed. I search every level and finally find one measly spot. But it’s not a trouble-free-spot because on one side a car is parked in an intruding slant over the double line and on the other side the neighboring car has been pushed so far over by the car next to it, it’s squishing over my other boundary line as well. Why aren’t there any boundaries in human behavior? Why is everyone pushing everyone else over the edge? Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone’s on pins-and-needles in the ER. 24/7 an INVISIBLE STRESSBALL powers through Triage growing bigger and bigger — affecting everyone in its path. We deal with a MISHMOSH of PAIN from Patients, Family Members and Staff. Volunteers must juggle everyone’s Physical Pain, Emotional Pain, Pressure and Anxiety. Stressed-out people lose patience, get defensive, become argumentative and over-react. Everyone takes it out on each other. It’s UGLY!

This doesn’t even take into account what’s hiding in everyone’s baggage. I mean, almost everyone who’s an adult has some family member or loved one who’s fighting some sort of battle, whether it’s emotional or physical, not to mention that we all have things going wrong in our day on some level. Add to that indigestion, PMSing, bills we can’t pay and it’s a miracle we don’t all EXPLODE! Read the rest of this entry »

Will I stop
taking
two
steps
backwards
for
every
three
steps
forward?
(More hours added to my ER sentence every time I screw up, uch!) Read the rest of this entry »

kill me now

They say — “Timing is everything” but when is it gonna to be my time? The right time? Time to cash a paycheck?  Booking a job is like an oasis – it seems like it’s right there in front of me…like I’m on the verge. But when I get closer it just vaporizes into a cloud of disappointment. I feel like I’m constantly letting down the people who care about me — the ones who believe in me… it totally sucks.

I keep trying to — Read the rest of this entry »

What’s the meaning of MEANIES in our lives? We’ve all got ‘em. What do we do with them?

Mine is Briana the Bitch (the frenemy from hell) a resident in my ER who tells anyone who’ll listen not to trust me because I’m a “Man Eater!” Briana is stuck in the past. She may have a high IQ, but socially she’s still stuck in high school. Move on, girl, it’s 2011. Life doesn’t have to be AWKWARD! for the rest of our lives. Does it?

Today I hear about an even worse MEANIE from “Hottie,” an out-of-work TV Actress whose name I can’t divulge.  Hottie’s long-term Acting Coach, “Pushy” just turned into the DEVIL (the meanest of MEANIES!) Read the rest of this entry »