Posts Tagged ‘stories’

Last night…  It’s a  typical night in the ER: one rainbow-haired “5150” who thinks he’s Jesus, restrained to the gurney;  two passionate hikers covered in red welts, itching in all the wrong places;  several “gunshot wounds” with gang members in the waiting room, demanding to know the status. Friendly? Or there to finish off the job?  I’m glad to have an excuse to leave for ten minutes when Triage Nurse, Anthony Chan shoves a wheelchair toward me with a Maternity Mom in it and a Dad next to it.

“Volunteer, take this couple up to L & D. Stat!”

On it! Gladly! I call up to L & D and tell them I’m on my way.

The Perils of PUSHING —

I speed-roll Maternity Mom +  Dad into the empty elevator.  Doors start to close, but a GIANT HAND intervenes. In walks a 6’6″ man attached to it. Uh-oh! With glares and territorial behavior happening in this elevator, it’s suddenly apparent… this  pregnant party isn’t a Couple… it’s a THRUPLE!!!

Maternity Mom (doubling over): “ooooooouuuuuuu…. eeeeehhhhhh….. ahhhhhhhhh!

Dad #1:” ” What are you doing here?”

Dad #2:  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Maternity Mom: “owwwww…. Owwwwwww… OWWWWWWW!”

Me: “Breathe.”

(Maternity Mom assumes the pushing face.)

Me: “Short breaths, fff–fff—fff”

Dad #1:  “Girl, I gave you everything!”

Dad #2 : “Nuh-uh, she needed more.” (pointing to his crotch.)

Maternity Mom: I need a BATHROOM!

Me: Don’t push.

Dad #1 to Dad #2: Fuck you!”

Dad #2 (louder):  “Fuck you!”

Maternity Mom: “Ow… OW…OWWWW… FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

(Exactly what got them all into this mess.)

Me: C’mon guys, obstetrics wasn’t covered in Volunteer Orientation!

Me: “Short breaths, blow, fff–fff–fff”

Dad #1:   “Breathe, baby —

Dad #2:   “Baby heart, you got this —

Maternity Mom:  “OWWWWWW! I’ve gotta get this outta me!”

(DING! Elevator door opens!)

Me: “CODE: BABY-COMING-OUT!”

(The Charge Nurse grabs the wheel chair)

Charge Nurse: “Taking her to Three. ”

(Dads shove each other out of the way. Charge Nurse blocks them.)

Charge Nurse: “Both of you. In the waiting room. Now! Don’t make me call Security.”

The door to Three closes. At last I can breathe.

I text Niles: “OMG, almost delivered a baby in the elevator”

PING! Incoming from Niles — Seth Meyers’ wife didn’t even make it that far.

OMG! SETH MEYERS’ WIFE Labored in the LOBBY!

YIKES!

but, Jon — that was then, what about now?

I don’t even recognize myself. My brain has been invaded by CNN and I’m feeling a little insane. Gotta get out of L.A. and away from the NEWS. It’s on in the background at all times — day and night. It’s like I live at an old person’s place! But it’s my place. OMG!

The news is EVERYWHERE —

It’s on at the hospital… and it’s on at my dentist’s office… and where I take my care to be serviced… and in my car.  Oh. Okay, yeah, I can’t help myself. I feel like I’ll miss something — like the world coming to an end or the impeachment announcement. I really do need to experience the impeachment announcement IRT.  And I’m not the only one I know who’s suddenly obsessed with politics. EVERYONE I know is obsessed. OBSESSED! When it’s between Scandal and a real-life scandal, we now watch Rachel Maddow. It’s riveting TV. RI.VET.ING.

CDs can’t read your mind, or can they?

Meanwhile back to my So-Called Life —

I’ve been going through the motions with auditions where they’re uninterested in me and I’m uninterested in them. With Casting Directors you can easily tell. It’s all in their body language.  Like it’s probably in mine. I know, I know. But…  I’d be psyched for challenging projects…exciting projects… projects that would make me feel proud to be an Actor. But those are few and far between. At least for me… these days.

Nothing WOWs me lately. Dr. Crush called me twice and texted me three times last week, and I didn’t feel nervous at all. No butterflies. I feel like I’m living in a fog… Read the rest of this entry »

Drama, the good kind, is where it’s at in film right now. Some of the best new DRAMAS focus on strong, resourceful, complicated WOMEN characters,  driven by PURPOSE. Couldn’t happen at a better time — just as Hillary Clinton forges ahead in the Presidential campaign. Go Hillary!

Amazing Actresses like CAREY MULLIGAN, BRIE LARSON and CATE BLANCHETT haunt and inspire us in powerful performances that make a difference. These women and the characters they portray challenge us to do better and be better in our own lives.

Carey Mulligan is a Standout in Suffragette

Carey Mulligan’s passionate “Maud Watts,” a political innocent, factory-working wife/mother is radicalized by events and moved by real-life feminist activist, Emmeline Pankhurst, as she sacrifices what most of us never could, in order to make the world a fairer place for women. Parts of Mulligan’s performance are almost too painful to watch, as she experiences torture and tragedy in her sacrifice for Women’s Rights. The list of dates at the end, displaying where and when Women have won the right to vote is shocking because in our country we take this right so for granted.

I Predict An Oscar in Brie Larson’s Future —

Brie Larson’s “Ma” is the ultimate survivor as she protects her son’s innocence after hers has been stolen. Five-year-old Jack’s entire world is an eleven-foot shed where he lives with his mom, yet he has no idea that it’s a bad place or that he and his mom are being held captive by his father who’s his mother’s rapist. I saw the film over two weeks ago, yet the trailer still brings tears to my eyes. Read the rest of this entry »

The voice to listen to is YOUR OWN.

Listening in the ER –

It’s last night and quieter in the ER than usual, so I have time to actually get into a conversation. I select a fellow-Pisces, an about-to-be-high-school-graduate, who’s sitting in Triage, waiting and looking nervous.  Alone in her own thoughts, “Isabella” has been stressing about college, where to hang out after the prom, and whether or not she’ll get home in time to finish the semester project she’s put off till the last minute — typical senior problems.  Oh, and she’s worried about her mom getting treated somewhere in the ER.

I go in the back and find Isabella’s mom in Subacute getting stitched after accidentally slicing her finger, instead of the bagel she was preparing for the child she nannies.  When I come back to Triage, I reassure Isabella that her mom’s doing fine and is in good hands (Dr. A’s.)  So Isabella decides to focus her freak-out on picking the right COLLEGE.  I mean, what better time to concentrate on such an important decision than when you’re in the Triage waiting area, surrounded by screamy-meemies, bloody bits, and patients and family members growing more and more impatient, right? Read the rest of this entry »

“stepping” into the unknown

I never was a Neil LaBute fan before. Never-ever. I even gave away my NLB play tickets at the Geffen. He was too misogynistic for me, too cruel in his POV.

So imagine my surprise when I got sucked into the trailers for Billy & Billie. Yep, Neil LaBute tempted me with his half-cracked ROM COM about step-siblings who try to navigate their taboo romance. Awkward.

Yep, it’s Awkward. meets Modern Family —

And everything about it is Awkward! and Modern. It’s very real and really good,  starting with the casting and acting.  Adam Brody is the grounded, cool-but-hot Billy. If he were my brother, I’d be attracted to him too! Oh yeah!

Raunchy & Romantic —

Lisa Joyce is his sexy-but-slightly-insane step-sister, Billie. Joyce’s Billie reminds me of almost all of my friends right before they get their period. She blurts out uncensored thoughts constantly, never stopping to process. Billie is crudely charming, protectively daring and infuriatingly adorable.  So far B&B have been keeping their relationship a secret, but that’s about to change… Read the rest of this entry »

basic instinct

Yes, I saw FIFTY SHADES OF GREY and yes, I read the books – all three of them.  Now I’m reading the email alerts and headlines about the almost 70% female audience helping to break records and movie-success-myths.

I’m no movie mogul, but my advice to you if you are is: If you’re “scouring best-seller lists looking to find the next Fifty Shades of Grey,” consider the fact that the “almost 70% Female Audience” might be flocking to the film not because it’s about SEX but because it’s about ROMANCE.  (Wouldn’t the Audience be a higher percentage of Males if the main focus was SEX?)

HOPELESS ROMANTICS

As a female (who likes sex, btw) in the target audience, it seems pretty obvious to me that at the core Fifty Shades is really about a shy, smart girl trying to get a handsome, unattainable guy so she can have her happy ending (the old-fashioned kind, ahaha.)  It’s wish-fulfillment we all can relate to.  I can! Read the rest of this entry »

At least I’m consistent!

Mistakes… we all make ’em.  We stress and horrible-ize about ’em BIG TIME — reprimanding ourselves relentlessly, wishing we could do-over, say-over whatever we are currently torturing ourselves about. We need an Ap for TAKING THINGS BACK! If only…

Second-Guessing

As life plays out in the foreground, our brain blames us in the background.  Recently I had a meeting with a team of Casting Directors at a major network and for some unexplainable reason at the end of it I hugged one of them instead of shaking her hand.  Granted I’d worked with her before, but after I left I couldn’t believe what a weird choice that was. Afterwards in the car I kept thinking about it — in the shower I kept thinking about it — as I tried to go to sleep, I kept thinking about it. Crazy, right?  And almost to the point of a migraine — over a hug. A dumb hug!

While volunteering in the ER I make mistakes (shhhhh!) like taking a patient to a room before it’s ready, or taking specimens to the wrong lab,  but the ones that bug me the most are the personal ones – the ones with certain staff members — one hot one in particular.  Like why in the world did I tease him about whatever he does every Thursday at 2:00? He looked at me like, “Why are we talking about this, and why do you even know about it?” (What’s the matter with you, Evie!)

How about a Do-over???

Read the rest of this entry »