funny bone

learning to connect

Sometimes when you’ve got it in your head that something’s gonna happen, you can end up being easily disappointed.  That happens to me. I think it happens to a lot of people. You kind’a set yourself up because you haven’t done the work or in some cases clued the other person in.  Sadly most people aren’t mind-readers, and that goes double or even triple for Guys.

EVEN WHEN WE THINK WE SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE WE DON’T —

So when what you imagine doesn’t happen, you pout,  get all judge-y and passive-aggressive and the real you, transforms into this totally unrecognizable you because you’re angry or sad or at the very least, FRUSTRATED. And, if your expectations involve someone else, he or she may actually have his|her own set of expectations that don’t necessarily gel with yours. And do you notice that sometimes when you get really strong about what you want, it makes the other person get stronger about what they want?

Communication Styles —

I’m really into noticing people’s styles these days. Some people have a very  mellow way of getting through life; some people are more passive and others are more combative. Maybe it’s because I hate to argue and in fact think that it feels like I’m in a fight. While others think that heated debate about any subject is just a great way to communicate. Weird huh?

It’s amazing we manage to communicate at all!

My bff Rachel is kind of awesome the way she raises her boys. When they were babies and wanted something they couldn’t have, she’d sweetly say –

I know you’re really frustrated. You really want to…

And shockingly even at the baby-level the boys felt understood and heard, even when they couldn’t for instance get off the plane while it was flying.

My frenemy “B” who unfortunately is a resident at the hospital where I volunteer, gets very bitchy when she doesn’t get her way. It doesn’t work for me and it didn’t work for her boyfriend in college who started to hang out with me (um, let’s not get into that now.)

Getting back to Rachel – when she waited and waited for her guy to propose and it wasn’t happening, instead of getting all ultimatum-y she flirtatiously teased —

“Isn’t there something important you want to ask me today?”

He’d laugh and so would she. She started doing it on a regular basis and it made her feel less frustrated, while definitely getting the point across in a cute and funny way.

Then one day, her guy surprised her as she was about to drive away in her car. He told her to roll down the window and kneeled on the driveway to talk to her. He pulled out a ring and popped the question.

When she asked why he picked that particular moment, he grinned —

This is the one time you didn’t ask me if I have something to ask you!

They laughed and laughed and obviously communicated BIG TIME — each in his and her own way.

I’m gonna try to find the funny with my own expectations. Even if they don’t pan out, at least I’ll have a good laugh.

How do you manage your expectations? What’s your communication style?