funny bone

Everybody’s doing it.
They say it’s natural, it’s fun, they say “relax, just do it!” but all I can think is –

IT’S SO NOT ME.

Is it supposed to be this embarrassing and revealing? Am I supposed to feel this vulnerable and scared? There’s this tingling sensation, but I’m not sure it’s the right time for me. I’m not sure I’m ready.

What if I do it wrong?

What if I seem like a dork?

What if everyone talks about how bad I am at it?

What if I get stuck in the wrong place?

With all this build up and tension and exposure and risk and pressure and comparison and intimacy and doubt and revealing… I mean, c’mon, who can enjoy this?

And what goes where?

It’s like I’m seventeen.
And naked.
And it’s my first time.

I get it. I mean, I get that I have to get it.  I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it, but other people have so much more experience getting it than I do, and they’ve already got it.

I’m only doing this for Josh, just so you know.

He's making me touch it~

(I can’t believe my fingers have to go there…)