funny bone

Being an actor in L.A. changes your take on seasons.  (Yes, we have seasons.) And heat waves in September messes with your head as much as your closet. Like my worst nightmare, summer ends, but it’s still going on.

It seems like just the other day my hair colorist was asking me what my “summer plans” were. I also vaguely remember having that conversation with every person I came into contact with for the next few weeks– baristas at Starbucks aka my extended family, the woman who dyes my eyelashes blacker, my old trainer at the gym… they all wanted to know what big summer plans I had in store. At the time, not only did I have a big summer lined up, but I brushed it off and said “oh is it summer? I didn’t even realize…”

why does writing about summer basically sound like I'm going to commit suicide?

Where’d it go?

Now I’m having very similar conversations everywhere, except it’s “how was your summer?” Well the answer to that is “I don’t celebrate summer anymore.” My life is such a mess that I can’t make a plan to vacation… I can’t make a plan to go to dinner for god’s sake. All I can plan to do is anxiously await the possibility of working again. Having this all blow over, all behind me. Soon.

How can I take a vacation when I have nothing in particular to take a break from? It just doesn’t feel right. It’s just not time yet… now all I want to do is work!

Different in L.A.

But even though I don’t acknowledge summer as anything but just more of the year, I do know that being here in LA waiting out the summer felt somewhat sad and lonely cause I can guarantee you everybody else in Hollywood embraced it.

So now, at the end of it, I’m wishing I was just a little bit tanner, a little less tense, a LOT less high-profile, and then I’d be definitely more relaxed… instead of a tabloid gossip headline, I’d have a story of the beautiful beach that I laid on for one week straight with nowhere to be and nothing to do. I kept thinking “my life is like an endless summer”…in fact I think I said it out loud, and maybe it is… maybe I just wish summer would end, this hellish season would end, that snow would fall, that I’d be wearing my cute Marc Jacobs pea coat and I’d feel change in the air.

But in LA… these days… my career stands a snowball’s chance in hell….

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