anatomy lessons

I couldn’t write about this till now, because it freaked me out so much when it happened. Even now I think about it every time I sit down to eat.

It starts out like a typical ER Saturday Afternoon Shift

• nightmare waiting room
• all beds are filled
• labs are piling up

In Trauma, Bed 8, this pretty New York Model (you know I can’t say who) is really having a tough time of it. She’s been there for 14 hours with what she thinks is Acid Reflux (because she can’t keep anything down, not even a sip of water). She’s all nervous, because she’s got a wardrobe fitting scheduled in a few hours for a huge commercial, due to shoot Monday.

By the time I get there, Dr. A is realizing:

It’s NOT gonna be a quick fix after all.

The medicine won’t stay down and the morphine drip is doing nothing for the pain.

Apparently Dr. A really tried to get her “in and out” so she wouldn’t miss her fitting, but now hours later, things aren’t looking good. I tell her I’ll call the Wardrobe Department and explain that she’s in the ER. But she’s all worried it’ll sound like she’s Lindsay or Paris (which I totally get). So I  tell her I’ll be her “Mom” and say she’s in some tests that are taking longer than expected.

When I get back from making the call, Dr. A tells me she’s getting a GI scan because even though it’s really rare that someone wouldn’t know she has food stuck, there’s a small chance that she does. So he ordered the test, just to be safe.  I tell him I’ll go keep her company and he says–

That’s really sweet.
(ahhhh, he’s noticing…)

I walk in just as the young COCKY Radiologist is telling her it’s ridiculous that she’s going through this test, that Dr. A’s overreacting and that the test will be really uncomfortable. Nice right? Like she really needs to hear that. So I go out in the hallway when they do the radiation part and when I come back in, the Radiologist is caught with his tale between his legs –

OMG!  Right there on the X-Ray screen is an obstruction in the Model’s esophagus, blocking the opening to the stomach.

The Model and I totally bond at this moment. After all we’re both crushing on the Awesome Dr. A. Plus we both agree that the Radiologist is an Asshole!

By now, my shift is over, but no way am I leaving her to go to her Emergency Endoscopy alone. She needs me!  She’s here alone on business and her family is three thousand miles away!

So I go hang with her in pre-op and I wait for her to get through the procedure and I stay with her in Recovery till I know she’s going to be fine.

Listen to this — the obstruction in her esophagus was a:

BIG BITE OF STEAK that got stuck on the way down!
Freaky right? It could happen to any of us. Yikes!

Luckily she  got to go to the rescheduled fitting on Sunday (thanks to my excellent acting) and she got to shoot the commercial Monday as planned. After she got back to New York, she sent me flowers with the sweetest note.

If either of us is ever brave enough to go into a Steak House, I’m pretty positive we’ll think of each other when when we do.
No matter what, I’m sure we’ll be chewing our food, really well. Obvi.

Ever had anything like this happen to you? Know anyone who has? Share in the comments.

Liked that? Check out:

• Feeling Safe: Knowns vs Unknowns
• ER Volunteer “Floater”
• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages

Why do we feel safe with KNOWNS when there’s often greater possibility with UNKNOWNS?

“Conundrumly-speaking,” why is it human nature to–

distrust CHANGE?

Working in the ER is a little like working in Washington -

• There are too many chiefs.
• So many things go wrong.
• Customer satisfaction isn’t the best.

I was all prepared to totally rag on Saturday morning’s Annual Volunteer Meeting. I started taking blog-notes ready to catch any embarrassment that might occur.

These meetings are dreaded by most Volunteers because the changes that are announced usually make things harder on us to do our jobs. Instead of being Volunteers who help people, we become mini Policemen (like we can’t take visitors to certain areas, even if the patients are really scared and want someone they know with them.  Whaaa…  that’s not fair!)

Charlayne starts it out with her typical overboard positive passionate pep talk (her favorite book is the “Magic of Believing”) and ends with:

The doctors and nurses tell me how grateful they are that you’re here, even though they don’t interact with y’all as much as you’d like.

(There’s one in particular I’d like to um, interact with more. Oh yeah!)

So that’s Charlayne’s set-up to the CHANGES — the real point of the meeting.

But surprisingly (Monday morning is always filled with inspiration) the new changes sound like they’re gonna actually benefit the patients and their families.

Now we can –

• Offer blankets and pillows to anyone in the waiting area.
• Take two visitors back to see patients.
• Answer family members’ questions instead of pretending like we don’t know.

And you want to know what’s weird? The Volunteers started bitching about how the new changes won’t work. Like:

Now there’ll be dirty blankets and pillows ALL over triage.

Why do we resist even GOOD CHANGES?
What is it that makes what we know better than what we don’t know?

I for one am glad we’re allowed to bring blankets to patients in the waiting room. Now I won’t have to sneak them in like I did before. Ahaha!

(Why are we so afraid of change? What changes scare you? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• ER Volunteer “Floater”
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma

Okay, so it’s another Monday morning and since I don’t have an Acting job right now (or any job, sadly) I just called Charlayne and told her I’d be okay with “volunteering” to be a “Floater.” A Floater is someone who gets called in when a regular Volunteer has something going on in his/her life and since I don’t have much going on –

I’ll Float For Now –

When I can–

Till things pick up –

Which’ll hopefully be soon.

I’m already having second thoughts though–

Apparently now I have to go to the Annual Volunteer Meeting. Noooo! Next Saturday morning! (Good Times, right?)

ALL the Volunteers on ALL the ER shifts get forced to go and apparently some people use it as a suck-up session (like those kids in school who drove us all nuts) or a venting session, so it can go on and on (ugh!)

Supposedly at the meeting Charlayne will tell us all the new rules. What for? Hospital rules always change, so why give up several hours on a weekend to find out the latest rules that’ll probably change before the next weekend? Don’t get me started on rules for Volunteers. I mean, they want us to help people, but they keep coming up with rules that make it impossible to help people.

But fine – I’ll try to be open and non-judgmental (ha!) until I, at least experience one of these meetings myself. Maybe there’ll be some cute boys there, although I seriously doubt it.

Volunteers tend to be pretty much limited to:

• Med students, who need  the hours,
• Nursing students, who need the hours.
• Empty-nesters whose kids have left for college.
• Oldies (with brains and bodies that still work) looking for purpose.

Don’t get me wrong, there are rewards to volunteering in the hospital like SUPER CUTE DOCTORS (one in particular) and FRIENDS like Mira and Tyrell who make even the most stressful shifts tolerable and GRATEFUL PATIENTS who tell me I’m an “Angel”  (LUV when that happens). I mean, I wouldn’t sign up to be a Floater if there wasn’t some feeling of satisfaction.

Still, I wish I could skip the meeting…

(What do you wish you could skip this week? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• Feeling Safe: Knowns vs Unknowns
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma

It’s another Monday morning and once again, I feel totally confused by my Sunday night ER shift.

Every time I see Dr. A at the hospital, I suffer from “white coat syndrome-itis.” My pulse races. My chest gets all red and splotchy. I get nervous in a way that only happens when I’m in a really important audition.

BUT I’m super confused by his ambivalence. Sometimes I can tell he’s really into seeing me. Other times he’s seems completely allergic to my charms.

Here are the good signs…

• When I catch him looking at me (before he looks away).
• When he stands really close to me (and I know it’s not an accident).
• When he remembers something I said (when I didn’t think he was listening).
• When he mentions something I wore (when I didn’t think he noticed).
• When he laughs at something I said (when I wasn’t even trying to be funny).

On the other hand, we do work together and he seems kind of paranoid about doing anything that’s not doctor-ish. I guess he is supposed to be there for a reason  – um, like saving lives.

In my never-ending goal to figure out how he feels, I’ve decided to research other hospital relationships (even though they’re not exactly real). But hey – isn’t TV based on real life?

(Grey’s Anatomy)
Alex Karev: “For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can’t cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don’t want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it’s everything.”

(Private Practice)
Dr. Pete Wilder: “Listen, about the fantasies. Just wanted to say that I’m not above a fantasy or two… about you.”

(ER)
Dr. Doug Ross: “I’m not a grown-up doctor. ”
Nurse Lydia Wright: “Yes, we know.”

(ER)
Dr. Luka Kovac: I don’t even know who she is!
Abby Lockhart: She knows who you are.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I don’t think so.
Abby Lockhart: Oh, Luka, every woman who works in the hospital knows who you are. Trust me.

(House)
Cameron: “Could pain medication cause an orgasm?”
House: “I wish.”

(ER)
Dr. Doug Ross: “You can get through my door.”
Carol Hathaway: “Anything wearing a bra can get through your door.”

(Grey’s Anatomy)
Derek Shepherd: “It’s not the chase.”
Meredith Grey: “What?”
Derek Shepherd: “You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It’s not a game. It’s… it’s your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair. ”
Meredith Grey: “My hair?”
Derek Shepherd: “It smells good. And you’re very, very ballsy. It keeps me in line.”
Meredith Grey: “I’m still not going out with you. ”
Derek Shepherd: “You say that now.”

(ER)
Dr. Kerry Weaver:‘You know what? I’m really very flattered. It’s just that I’m, uh… I mean… gosh, you’re such a beautiful woman. You’re… you’re so beautiful. But I’m… I… I’m straight… I mean, I don’t… I’m straight. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I don’t know… I don’t know what’s… ”
[starts laughing, then stops abruptly]
Dr. Kerry Weaver: “I mean, I’m sorry… I just… I don’t… I feel very… ”
[exhales]
Dr. Kerry Weaver: “… I’m… You know what?… I… I just… I mean, I… I guess I never even really considered this.”

(Private Practice)
Addison: “I don’t want to be just another notch on your acupuncture table. I want more.”
Pete: “What do you say we just see how it goes… tonight?”
Addison: “I can work with that.”

(ER)
Carol Hathaway: “What if the elevator moves? You could get killed!”
Dr. Doug Ross: “Well, then you won’t have to worry about a commitment.”
Carol Hathaway: “Doug, I’m serious!”

(Chicago Hope)
Geiger:” Am I the only one in this hospital not having sex?”

(Grey’s Anatomy)
Meredith Grey: Don’t look at me like that, like you’ve seen me naked.

Thanks Meredith — that’s EXACTLY how I feel!  Actually in my case he has NOT seen me naked, but I feel like he can see a part of me no one else can see (and that’s a little scary!)

To be continued… (ahahaha!)

(What on-the-job romances or almost-romances have you experienced? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• Monday Morning: Being Human
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma

I'm toast!

Okay, so this is what I get for even thinking about eating carbs. After 45 minutes of rocking my world with Andrea at Made In L.A. Fitness,  I’m on my late shift in the ER and suddenly remember that I haven’t eaten (mainly because my stomach alerts me with rumblings loud enough for the patients to hear.)

So I pop into the employee lounge hoping someone left a fruit basket which sometimes happens when patients are really appreciative to the staff (hint hint) but instead I find –

Two boxes of Noah’s Bagels
from one of Dr. A’s female stalker patients.

I search for my favorite (Whole Wheat Sesame) hoping I won’t find it (too tempting at
125 g)  and of course it’s there, practically with my name on it. So when no one is looking (somehow it feels less fattening when no one is looking) I slice it and put it in the toaster.

Then I remember promising to bring a blanket and pillow to this little old lady in the hallway bed across from Ortho,  so I run out for a sec. THEN all the doors start closing and the lights start flashing and I hear –

CODE RED, ER NORTH TOWER, CODE RED.

Whaaa?

From time to time I hear a “CODE RED” page, but always for a different floor far far away. But today it’s really close and everyone on the floor starts looking around wondering–

Where’s the fire?

and THEN Security bursts through the doorway, rushing to the…

EMPLOYEE LOUNGE

Oops!

Oh yeah — My Noah’s bagel half was a little too overwhelmingly thick for the ancient toaster in the employee lounge and apparently it set off a smoke alarm yada yada…

How’s that for embarrassing?

And wanna know what’s worse? My new name in the ER (started by a certain Dr. A) is –

“Code Red!”

OMG! Couldn’t he have picked a better name, like –

Smokin’ Hot!?

(What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you this week? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• Feeling Safe: Knowns vs Unknowns
• ER Volunteer “Floater”

ready for everything 24/7

THE GOOD –

As I walk from the Employee Parking Lot to the ER tonight, I notice a man walking near me, wearing the same ugly Volunteer smock as I am. He asks what department I work in, so I ask him the same question.  He works in the Cancer Unit, which for me is the HARDEST place of all. His wife died of cancer a year ago and he works with some of the staff that took care of her. OMG! Talk about a good person. I’m SO inspired by people who experience horror and can go on to help others in the same boat. Kudos!

THE BAD

Triage is a nightmare — standing room only.  This demanding extremely loud woman starts swearing because she notices others going in before she does. Uh— that’s why they call it Triage, Honey.  Patients with life-threatening illnesses go to the head of the line. Patients with potty mouths go to the end of the line.

If you ever bring a  friend or family member into the ER waiting room or you come in as a patient yourself, write this down so you’ll remember :
BE NICE –
To the Guard, to the Triage Nurse, to the Volunteers –  no matter how much you’re hurting.

When someone gets bitchy/complainy/demanding the staff tends to put that particular chart at the bottom of the stack. Keep in mind—everyone in the waiting room is there because of some kind of emergency and even though your emergency is the biggest deal to you, it isn’t to anyone else (unless it’s really life-threatening and that’s another story). So really try to be as polite as you can. It goes a very long way with anyone who’s on the eleventh hour of his/her twelve-hour shift.

THE FUNNY –

Just when I think things can’t get any crazier, a stressed out Mom is with her one-week old baby boy in PEDS when her husband arrives, accompanied by Mom’s supposedly “best friend” (huh?) — Picture this:  Mom still has her baby tummy and looks like she hasn’t slept for a week. The “best friend” is wearing stilettos, tight jeans, a low-cut tank and looks like she just had her make-up done at Barneys.

The baby has nothing on, because we’re trying to bring down his fever. So the “best friend” says to the husband re: the baby’s UNIT (that happens to be swollen)…

“WOW! Your son really takes after you!

(Whaaa!)

Just another night in the life of an ER Volunteer…

(What good, bad and funny have you experienced in an ER? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Making Wishes: 26 Ways
• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma

crushing in the ER

THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE

When…

someone takes home a baby instead of a bill

an accident victim’s neck brace is removed

an old man flirts

I see newborn twins

a physician delivers good news

an elderly patient is treated with respect

the nurses gossip and laugh when they get caught

I bring a cake and the staff is appreciative

a certain doctor smiles (hugely) when he sees me

someone calls me an “angel”

I can make anyone in the ER laugh

there’s hope

THINGS THAT MAKE ME CRY

When…

a child comes in with a sick mommy

a mommy comes in with a very sick child

a battered woman has a miscarriage

a child accompanies a chemo parent

I make eye contact with the chemo patient

a patient loses his dignity

there’s no hope

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GULP

When…

a special needs patient rises above it

a patient with challenges finds out there are even more

I can feel someone’s fear

I can feel someone’s pain

I can feel someone’s happiness

a certain doctor flirts with me (even though he more unavailable than ER’s Dr. Doug Ross)

(What kinds of things make you smile, cry and gulp? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma
• Valentine’s Day

I LUV feeling appreciated and there’s nothing that gets me there quicker than taking something home-baked to the ER Staff. Seriously, food is the be-all-end-all. Tonight I put a  Chocolate Cake down in the Staff Lounge and before I could take a pic, half of it was gone!

Comments included –

I love you!
So moist!
That was better than sex!

(unfortunately most of the comments were from female nurses, but still…)

Going… going….

after 6 minutes

… gone

After 11 minutes

Recipe for the Easiest Chocolate Cake Ever!

(in case you missed it in one of my Valentine’s Day posts)

My Magical Mom’s Chocolate Cake

Batter:
Duncan Hines Devils Food Cake Mix
1 Small Package of Chocolate Pudding Mix
1/2 cup warm water
1/2 cup Crisco oil
1 cup sour cream (one small carton)
4 eggs
1 cup of chocolate chips

Frosting:
6 squares of Bakers unsweetened chocolate
1 cube butter
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 cup sugar

Decorations:
M & M’sJelly beans
Chocolate Chips
Chocolate Sprinkles
Nuts

Use Pam or butter to grease a Spring-form pan.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In an electric mixer, combine all of the ingredients in the order that they are listed.  Combine, but do not over mix.

Pour batter into a greased spring-form pan.  Bake for one hour at 350 degrees. When completely cool, cover with frosting and decorations.

Frosting:
In saucepan over low heat, combine 1 cup of sugar with 1 cup of heavy whipping cream.  When it is just at the boiling point, simmer for approximately 5-7 minutes.  Remove from heat and add chocolate squares.  Next add butter.  Use whisk to combine completely.  As the mixture cools, it becomes thicker.

(What’s your full-proof recipe to a smile ? Let us know in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Making Wishes: 26 Ways
• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages
• HOT IN CLEVELAND: funny find!

Tonight on my ER shift, I’m walking down the hallway and I see this little Kid (two or three-ish) running around in circles, just outside Gyno (the room I NEVER want to be in).

The thing is, kids aren’t supposed to run around the ER–

It’s dangerous.
There are a gazillion germs.
Sick People aren’t really into Wild Kids.

So I pop into the room and ask the Mom if she wants me to play with him, which is a rhetorical question ( I think that’s the right usage) – because the Mom is flat on her back on a gurney, so of course the answer is, “Obvi.”

ER Volunteers Need To Be Creative

I say, “I’ll be right back” and go into the Storage Room (where the ice machine is) and grab a bunch of cups. Since I’m not sure if it’s allowed, I kind of hide them under my Volunteer Smock, which no one notices, since no one would ever actually look at someone wearing such a hideous outfit.

Back in the room, the Kid (notice how I don’t use names — I’m getting SO good at this Patient Confidentiality stuff) and I sit on the floor building cups. Yeah, yeah – I know there are a disgusting germs on the floor, but I try really hard not to think about them. Usually I don’t ask personal questions about why patients are at the hospital, because I figure they’ll tell me if they want me to know.

So as we’re building our architectural cup masterpiece, the Mom mentions that the Kid was born here two years ago (oh—I guess that makes him two- duh!)  So I ask if it was a happy experience (expecting a “yes” since the best reason to come to a hospital is when you get to take home something besides a bill) but she says, “No.” Apparently she and her husband didn’t think the doctor and nurses were the nicest (oops!)

Sometimes It’s Hard To Know What To Say

She goes on to say that her husband (who’s away on business in Chicago) insisted she come into the ER tonight to be checked because she’s spotting (I didn’t even know she was pregnant.)

I say, I’m really sorry and she goes, “But, tonight’s a completely different experience. Everyone’s so nice and attentive.” Whaaa?

Isn’t it weird she thought things were bad on a good day and good on a bad day?

(Has it ever happened to you where something turned out good from something bad or vice versa? Let me know in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• Valentines Day: The Way To His Heart
• Feeling Safe: Knowns vs Unknowns

www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxPcmi1U25g

I’m the first to admit that unexpected hotspots can be sizzly, but after last night in the ER, I’m going to be a lot more cautious in that particular creative department, though you’d think I would’ve learned that lesson by now (oops!)

Mira and I are on the verge of signing out, when Anthony and this other male nurse come out of the Treatment area, whispering about two teens who were just brought in. So I pull Mira into the back, where we see Jacob the paramedic (Mira’s crushing on), reporting to the Charge Nurse about the Guy and his Girlfriend lying there on stretchers, with tons of surface cuts and dried blood all over their sweats. They apparently crashed through a glass tabletop while they were doing it. Ouch!

Feeling the Pain In Unexpected Places

The cute Guy looks pretty bad, all stiff and still, probably because it’s too painful to move. His Girlfriend’s cuts aren’t as obvious, but by her squirming, I suspect her glass fragments are going to be tricky to get out and I feel bad for her.

The Girlfriend’s crying and begging the Charge Nurse to NOT call their parents, but they’re obviously under eighteen, so the hospital has to do it. Bummer.

Mira decides to stay and hang because she’s a good person (plus Jacob’s still there). Before I leave, I go up to the girl and tell her that usually when parents get called into the ER for their kids, the ONLY thing they care about is making sure their kids are okay, which calms her a little.

On my way out, I say (and mean it)…

“You’re gonna be okay.”

(Something embarrassing you’re dying to share ? --ahaha!-- Say it in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages
• ER: CODE RED -- Diet Karma
• Minding Your P’s and Q’s