I’m starting off Monday with “The Rules of Being Human” because I’ve been making lots of mistakes lately like—

• Dropping my iPhone in the toilet (hope that’s not a sign.)

• Setting off the fire alarm in the ER (oops! I was just hungry.)

• Freezing in my audition (this producer I dated and um– avoided was sadly in the room.)

Apparently I’m stuck in the school of life, because I keep learning lots of lessons. Double Ugh!

Hope I’ll graduate soon to the next level, but unfortunately that’ll just mean—

More lessons!

Oh well. Guess I’ll go get this body in shape on a Monday morning run in Runyon Canyon and hope some of the answers inside me reveal themselves ASAP!

Oh– I just realized the new iPhone will be coming out in two weeks. (Yay, the answers are already revealing themselves and I haven’t even put on my running shoes yet.) Ahahaha!

The Rules for Being Human

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in an informal school called Life.  Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error. Experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works”.

4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it.  You can then go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6. “There” is no better than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you either love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to Life’s questions lie inside you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

(Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott)

(What lessons have you learned lately? Share in the comments.)

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How do YOU see it?

Seems like the world is filled with two kinds of people:
the ones who look at the bright side,
and the ones who acknowledge the dark side.

So are we talking–

Optimists vs. Pessimists or Optimists vs. Realists?

I wonder a lot about this because even though I’m trying to be more “half-full,” I realize positivity doesn’t change the fact that– shit happens. So putting “a spin on it” sometimes works, but  other times seems a little too 1950’s (like Betty, who at the beginning of “Mad Men” pretends like things are okay when they’re SO not.)

On tonight’s ER shift, Mira ( a total “good karma” girl)  brings in her Maga (grandfather) again. I can’t be specific due to Patient Confidentiality, but let’s just say when a body gets old, certain parts stop working and can’t be fixed in a good quality-of-life way.

In general, Mira’s what I’d call a “full-full” person. To her, life is super bright and when it starts to darken she inspirationalizes.

But tonight she just loses it. She breaks down and SOBS!

All I can think to do is hug her — long and hard.  I tell her what a wonderful granddaughter she is and how lucky her Maga is to have her.

When she finally catches her breath and calms down, she says,

I’m lucky too – to have you as my friend on this Eff’d-up night.

I guess tonight we’re both a little bright side/dark side and if I have to find the funny, it’s that the absolutely worst word Mira can come up with is–
“eff’d-up.”

(Are you more bright side or dark side and how does that affect your life? Let me know in the comments.)

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxPcmi1U25g

I’m the first to admit that unexpected hotspots can be sizzly, but after last night in the ER, I’m going to be a lot more cautious in that particular creative department, though you’d think I would’ve learned that lesson by now (oops!)

Mira and I are on the verge of signing out, when Anthony and this other male nurse come out of the Treatment area, whispering about two teens who were just brought in. So I pull Mira into the back, where we see Jacob the paramedic (Mira’s crushing on), reporting to the Charge Nurse about the Guy and his Girlfriend lying there on stretchers, with tons of surface cuts and dried blood all over their sweats. They apparently crashed through a glass tabletop while they were doing it. Ouch!

Feeling the Pain In Unexpected Places

The cute Guy looks pretty bad, all stiff and still, probably because it’s too painful to move. His Girlfriend’s cuts aren’t as obvious, but by her squirming, I suspect her glass fragments are going to be tricky to get out and I feel bad for her.

The Girlfriend’s crying and begging the Charge Nurse to NOT call their parents, but they’re obviously under eighteen, so the hospital has to do it. Bummer.

Mira decides to stay and hang because she’s a good person (plus Jacob’s still there). Before I leave, I go up to the girl and tell her that usually when parents get called into the ER for their kids, the ONLY thing they care about is making sure their kids are okay, which calms her a little.

On my way out, I say (and mean it)…

“You’re gonna be okay.”

(Something embarrassing you’re dying to share ? --ahaha!-- Say it in the comments.)

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My number's missing zeroes

My Facebook Fan Page

Makes me feel a little–

Desperate
Pathetic
Lame
Insane
Psychotic

I don’t get why it’s a good idea to have a Fan Page now at the lowest point of my career–

At least it feels lowest.

Oh no! What if it gets lower than this?

(help save me from total embarrassment and pu-leeze become a fan)

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Problem or Possibility?

I have this recurring N I G H T M A R E.

I’m alone in a stark, white room with no windows, no doors.

Over the PA, Charlayne’s voice:

Y’all remember the 3 P’s… the 3P’s… the 3P’s…

Purell. Post-its. Politeness

I wake up with this uncontrollable urge to rush to a sink— to either barf or wash my hands.

Charlayne’s recording in my brain goes on an on, like the Jeopardy theme song.

” The way to keep from spreadin’ germs is by washin’ your hands in Purell, Purell, Purell.”

I should buy stock in Purell (oh yeah– no money to buy stock.)

The “P’s” can be such an Ffing PAIN!

Especially when it comes to a

PARTICULAR PHYSICIAN
who’s
PARANOID about PRIVACY

Why am I even thinking about him?

He’s
PASSIVE
PROPER
PREDICTABLE.

And tries just a little too hard to be…
PERFECT!

PLUS –  it’s impossible to get noticed when his Stalker PATIENTS are constantly getting in my way, showering him with– 
imported chocolates,
elaborate flower arrangements,
God knows what else!

Apparently he doesn’t have time for blog reading or me.
(So thankfully he’ll never see this.)

But, WAIT! How did I even get on this subject anyway?
I was talking about the P’s.

OK, so thinking more half-fullish (part of my New Decade Resolutions) I think the way to minding my P’s is to create my own, right?

When he eventually decides to PURSUE me, he’ll discover my PASSIONS and PHONE me with his PHENOMENAL PLAN. (I can’t wait!)

So maybe the P’s aren’t such a pain after all. I guess it’s all in one’s PERSPECTIVE.

Ahaha!

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we all have to watch it

I’m on the phone with Josh, talking about potential projects and somehow the conversation seamlessly shifts to –

The LATEST DIET CRAZE he’s thinking of trying, so he can deal with–

The Holidays

(Ahem,  Josh check the date …

Hanukkah is already happening!)

Anyway, this is just another example of how warped we all are, in this crazy business where even the agents have to look good.

It’s the 5 out of 7 plan, where you only eat 5 out of the 7 days of the week.

Insane, right?

But he assures me it’s not as bad as it sounds and that all you have to do is NOT eat breakfast or lunch 2 days out of the week –

Ohhh… That’s all.

Piece of cake – well, not literally. I already feel a migraine coming on.

I tell him I like eating too much for this one.

I mean, cabbage soup or lemon juice I can wrap my brain around but I tried fasting one year of college for Yom Kippur (just for the hell of it – I think I liked the challenge more than the symbolism) and–

I did NOT do well.

My dad could tell you lots of Horror Stories about my whole other personality when I’m in–

Low Blood Sugar Mode.

Actually I should probably go to Horror Auditions when my blood sugar is low, because I take scary to a completely new level!

But that’s another post all together.

Preparation Dieting is as American as Apple Pie

Ironic Right?

Ever think about how bizarre it is that we diet

so we can look good for the holidays (while we’re eating apparently)

and then when the holidays are over, we have to go on another diet?

We need a Calorie Cure

for…

Holiday Food Coma

• Christmas it’s the cookies,
• Hanukkah the gelt,
• Thanksgiving – obvi…
• Birthdays it’s cake,
• Easter it’s the eggs (chocolate and scrambled).

PLUS  what’s WORSE is that during the holidays there’s no way to work off the calories because the gym is

CLOSED!

The only thing that brings me solace on holidays is that–

Starbucks stays open (Yay!)

And my own personal “fix” for Holiday Food Coma is Starbucks for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Now that’s what I call Merry.

Do you stress about Holiday Calories as much as I do? Let me know in the comments.

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Fragile Finances

So I’ve REALLY been good. I actually put my Visa in a drawer, so I wouldn’t be tempted.

And, since  I’m still looking for a job, the only charges I’m allowing on my monthly statement are:

• Bodies in Motion dues
• iTunes
• Netflix

After a long day at the ER I can’t wait to….

come home and just relaaax.

(Yesterday’s shift seemed extra-long — prob’ly because it was “Vomit Day” –since  everyone was doing it.)

So, the first thing I do when I walk in the door is listen to my messages.

Yesterday’s include:

NO calls from Josh about a meeting with an awesome Director.

NO calls to say that I’ve won the lottery or any other money contest.

NO calls from a certain ER Doctor.

Instead, on Verizon Voicemail,

I get a message from the Neiman Marcus Fraud Department to call back immediately because –

“Someone”

is using

My credit card!

So I do. I call back and get a Neiman Marcus Voice.

And the Neiman’s Voice tells me that “Someone” knows a lot about me and even knows my “security number!” That “Someone” apparently is on an online shopping spree with –

My Number!

I feel so violated!

The Face of Fraud

Neiman’s Voice’s parting words are…

“Call Visa Immediately!”

Which I do.

And I explain what I know from Neiman’s Voice to Visa’s Voice.

Visa’s Voice asks me a bunch of  security questions,

Which I answer.

Visa’s Voice asks  if I changed my address recently.

“No.”

Visa’s Voice repeats the question, in case I didn’t get it the first time.

“ Uh – no”

Visa Voice asks if I have a home in Milwaukee.

“No”

And, if I know someone in Milwaukee?

“No, In fact, I’ve never even been to Milwaukee.”

Visa’s Voice asks if I have another home in New York.

I WISH! But,

“No”

Then Visa’s Voice goes through the charges…

“$2,543.20 from OnSale.com?”

“Nope, never heard of them.”

“How about $1,398.21 from Neiman Marcus?

“Nope, not without a job to pay for it,”

$18 something from Dominos?

“Now you’re making me hungry.”

I hear a few more charges before Visa’s Voice tells me to cut up my card (the scissors are already in my hand) and that I’ll get a new card in approximately 5 days.

“All’s well that ends well,” right?

Well, It really ends well for “Someone” who has a lot of new stuff.

All I’m getting is a new card that I’m gonna have to hide from myself anyway.

Wait– what about the fact that I don’t know how this happened in the first place? How can I be sure that it won’t happen again?

Has everyone ever Credit Card frauded you? Do you know someone it has happened to? Let me know in the comments.

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BUMMER.

Beemer got a boo-boo and I’m bugged.

SO my whole day gets rearranged for a bumper bust-up. Ugh.

(No wonder… it’s Friday the 13th. Double ugh!)

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Being an actor in L.A. changes your take on seasons.  (Yes, we have seasons.) And heat waves in September messes with your head as much as your closet. Like my worst nightmare, summer ends, but it’s still going on.

It seems like just the other day my hair colorist was asking me what my “summer plans” were. I also vaguely remember having that conversation with every person I came into contact with for the next few weeks– baristas at Starbucks aka my extended family, the woman who dyes my eyelashes blacker, my old trainer at the gym… they all wanted to know what big summer plans I had in store. At the time, not only did I have a big summer lined up, but I brushed it off and said “oh is it summer? I didn’t even realize…”

why does writing about summer basically sound like I'm going to commit suicide?

Where’d it go?

Now I’m having very similar conversations everywhere, except it’s “how was your summer?” Well the answer to that is “I don’t celebrate summer anymore.” My life is such a mess that I can’t make a plan to vacation… I can’t make a plan to go to dinner for god’s sake. All I can plan to do is anxiously await the possibility of working again. Having this all blow over, all behind me. Soon.

How can I take a vacation when I have nothing in particular to take a break from? It just doesn’t feel right. It’s just not time yet… now all I want to do is work!

Different in L.A.

But even though I don’t acknowledge summer as anything but just more of the year, I do know that being here in LA waiting out the summer felt somewhat sad and lonely cause I can guarantee you everybody else in Hollywood embraced it.

So now, at the end of it, I’m wishing I was just a little bit tanner, a little less tense, a LOT less high-profile, and then I’d be definitely more relaxed… instead of a tabloid gossip headline, I’d have a story of the beautiful beach that I laid on for one week straight with nowhere to be and nothing to do. I kept thinking “my life is like an endless summer”…in fact I think I said it out loud, and maybe it is… maybe I just wish summer would end, this hellish season would end, that snow would fall, that I’d be wearing my cute Marc Jacobs pea coat and I’d feel change in the air.

But in LA… these days… my career stands a snowball’s chance in hell….

.

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So things have been pretty slow lately. Few auditions. Even fewer that are actually projects I’d want to be part of. I spent the last few days agonizing over a script someone at my agency sent me that I thought was quite possibly one of the worst scripts I’d ever read. Here’s a picture of it:

relax - it's soap!

The idea of going to Arizona to shoot this movie… Well, let’s just say there were tears shed. And more tears, and then a massive headache. And ultimately once I encouraged (begged) Josh to actually read the script, he agreed that the whole thing was stupid and it went straight into the trash.

Times like this call for small pleasures.

Things I can turn to for distraction from these trivial problems that haunt my every waking minute.

Here’s my top ten small things that bring me great pleasure when I need a break from my madness…

1. Felicity marathon (starting with the very first episode.)

2. New Music Tuesdays (iTunes exploration first thing that morning.)

3. Facebook (maybe somebody else’s life will entertain me more than my own.)

4. Spin class with Andrea (rock and roll adrenalin rush) or Boxing with Lloyd (I can pretend the bag is the paparazzi.)

5. Running at the beach (with a new playlist).

6. X17online.com (let’s see where Lindsay Lohan went shopping today so I can live vicariously.)

7. Altering my Sunfare menu online (the more Greek falafel wraps the better.)

8. Top Chef (the masters or the new season.)

9. New York Times crossword puzzle (well, only on Monday’s or Tuesdays, otherwise I’m just a dumb blonde.)

10. Starbucks (old school iced Americano.)

BONUS:  silly soaps made to look like dogs and poop at scentsational-soaps.

WHAT’S ON YOUR LIST?

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