Funny Stories + Hollywood Hurts | Evie Stewart's Funny Bone » romance

Searching for a SOULMATE

Evie... — Sat, 19 May 2012 16:48:00 +0000

Finding Our Perfect Person –

Not someone who IS “perfect” — I’m talking about finding the person who’s perfect for YOU.

awwww....

The eternal search for a SOULMATE goes back to the beginning of time. From Eve to Angelina we all dream about finding… “the ONE” –

You know, the one who makes our hearts go–

BaBOM.. BaBOM, BaBOM!

We dream
We crave
We wish
We worry
We hope
We pray
We stress

How Do We Know When Love is Real?

To define what we’re looking for precisely is nearly IMPOSSIBLE. It’s a feeling we’re supposed to recognize when it happens.

But when we’re feeling an indescribable chemical reaction, how do we know that it’s not being confused by –

Hormones
Loneliness
Desperation
Impatience
Indigestion
Being in love with the idea of “love”
????

We don’t.
We wonder…

ROMANTIC CONUNDRUMS –

Is HE or SHE really out there? And available? And looking for us? How will we know when it’s the “Real Deal?” The person we’ll always love? Through sickness and boredom and temptation and all of the other hard moments that come with life.

What if we don’t recognize our soulmate-opportunity?
What if we’re on the fence?
Could we miss it?
Do we each have one “The ONE” or are there more of ‘em out there?

What if we marry our Soulmate and then meet a second Soulmate who’s even more Soulmatier? Then what?

Finding is more important than Defining –

I guess a ‘SOULMATE” is the person who brings out the best part of you being you. And vice versa.

The search continues…

(What do you look for in a Soulmate? Have you met yours?)

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FLIRTING in the Hospital

Evie... — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 00:33:13 +0000

I highly recommend it

Flirting is fun, free and invigorating. You can do it wherever you are, whenever you feel like it (usually). It’s an easy smile and a little oomph added to the day. It can be the smallest moment that doesn’t lead to anything, or it can be the beginning of something big. Regardless, it’s what makes an ordinary day a little more interesting and it’s usually not planned — it just happens organically.

Flirting is Most Interesting When You Least Expect it –

This cute anesthesiologist I’d never seen before — Dr. P — was passing through the ER during my shift last Thursday asking if anyone had scissors. No one did. I offered to help and knocked on Feng the Storekeeper’s door. Feng’s the go-to guy when I need to restock the Triage Coloring Books or find some random thing that’s usually stocked in an ER Room, but missing. Unfortunately scissors were “on order.”

So I tracked down hottie Dr. P and relayed the bad-scissors-news. Always the helpful Volunteer, I offered to go get mine out of my car. I explained that I always carry around scissors, in case I need a weapon– you know, in case there’s an attack of some kind. That kinda surprised Dr. P (I love surprising guys), so he came back with –

But then I’d feel responsible if something were to happen to you on your way home.

Of course I liked that. Then a minute or so later, the Desk Clerk asked if anyone wanted to go in on the “over 500 million dollar lottery.” I said “I’m in” and so did Dr. P. So I asked him since I was now going to my car to get my money anyway, didn’t he want me to get the scissors as long as I was there?

I’ll need to check on you, to make sure you make it home safely.

Okay, yeah — good idea and clearly another moment that illustrates the benefits of Volunteering at the hospital…

Well we didn’t win the lottery obvi (apparently no one in California did), but he did ask for my number so I guess that’s a win/win after all. Yes-yes it is-is.

Time will tell. My regular Dr. Crush has been slightly MIA lately, so I’m kinda-sorta open to the kind of FLIRTING that might lead to somewhere. But, no matter what — the short-lived encounter did remind me why I love to Flirt. It feels good and takes me back to the way I felt in high school when a cute boy noticed me for the first time.

(How about you? Do you like to flirt as much as I do?)

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Evie Stewart’s Valentine’s Day Playlist – 2012

Evie... — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:57:17 +0000

so many feelings, depending...

ROMANTICALLY-INVOLVED or NOT – February 14th is almost here. <3-Day = the ultimate “Chick” Holiday… obvi! We get our hopes up in early January, feel anxious in late January and start to make Plan-B-plans by February 1st (Comedy Club anyone?) Guys, except the rarest of the rarest, think it’s all “hype” and feel totally PRESSURED — to the point of catatonic-ness!

Making a SONGLIST for someone is a pretty safe bet (as long as you don’t get too mushy in the selection).

Here’s mine for this year (and last year) –

24 Songs — To put you in the mood…

met before – chairlift
too much in love – chris willis
pretty lil’ heart- robin thicke/lil wayne
one mint julep- sarah vaughan
i misunderstood- richard thompson
crew love- drake/ the WeeKnd
night air (ramadanman remix)- jamie woon
stay away- charlie xcx
from now on- the features
hold on- alabama shakes
daydream- youth lagoon
somebody i used to know (tunnel remix)- gotye
the reflection of you- bear in heaven
the night- school of seven bells
no strings- mayor hawthorne
diego garcia- you were never there
call me back- the strokes
lonely teardrops- jackie wilson
i would do anything for you- foster the people
ashes & fire- ryan adams
love in motion (feat. mayor hawthorne)- sebastian
if i had a boat- james vincent mcmorrow
home again- michael kiwanuka
walking in the sand – hollie cook

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHsLWGiIeFk

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Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?

Evie... — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 07:06:25 +0000

dr. crush

You think you know what you want. But what if you got it, would you even want it? Would you even know what to do with it? What if you blow it? What if you make the most of it? What if you’re not sure, but you’re willing to take some risks?

Are you EVOLVING or ESCAPING?

Is it the right time or the wrong time? Are you just biding time, because you’ve got time on your hands? Maybe it’s because he’s hands-off, unavailable like so many guys. So it’s the chase, not the win you can’t shake.

Think about your real life — the one you almost had — the one you’ve been working for. You know, the one that’s on hold right now. Maybe he’ll hold you back from your hopes and dreams. What about living the dream? Maybe he’s just a dream. What if it’s a nightmare ending? Maybe he’s not all he seems. Maybe he’s so much MORE! Winners are better than wannabes, right? But are you a loser if you wannabe with a winner? Will you feel less if he’s more?

INDECISION OR INTROSPECTION?

Can you even find a soul mate, when you’re not sure who you are? Can the qualities in him make up for those MIA in yourself? Is it complementing or copping out?

Clearly he’s someone you can count on? Now you won’t have to count on yourself. Or maybe he’ll count on you too. And together you’ll go to infinity.

If you change, will you recognize your reflection? Would that be good or would that be bad? Are you supposed to know all the answers in your twenties? Would you want to, if you could?

He’s not your typical type. But what if it’s time for a change? Changes are good if they’re good. Or do you just need a quick fix? Do you feel broken inside? Is it the white coat effect? Is your pulse racing because he’s an MD?

Are you HEALING or HALLUCINATING? Does this call for champagne or medication?

With every answer, you get questions.

Is this LOVE or are you going INSANE? Call the paramedics! Get to your ER — STAT!

(if anyone else has the answers, pul-eeze leave a comment!)

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BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: Working on it

Evie... — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 18:45:15 +0000

Emmy - What if?

Here’s the deal. I (like probably every Actor on earth) have an AWARD SPEECH playing and rewinding in my brain, ready for the BIG MOMENT. Revisions occur regularly after the OSCARS, EMMYS and SAG AWARDS each year and of course any time I’m about to get a BIG BREAK that’ll TOTALLY CHANGE MY CAREER! (Sound familiar fellow-Actors?)

Naturally I pay close attention to what works (luv’d Ty Burrell‘s “Tight Genes”speech) , what falls flat and what touches people (hi-five to Guy Pearce for inserting the raciest touch!) If the acceptance speech elicits laughs and tears it’s probably a good one, right?

Here’s my current list to thank, but I’m still working on it. Luckily or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it, MOM!) I’ve got time to tweak it, revise it and hone it. And FYI I think it’s a total waste of the clicking clock to keep repeating the words, “And I want to” thank… So I’m planning on keeping it in the present tense, to reduce my word count and show more appreciation. Also, if we’re talking about peeves, I’m getting a little bored with “I didn’t think I’d win, so I didn’t plan a speech” — Come on! Everyone imagines “what if?” otherwise YTF are we waxing, juice cleansing, botoxing, highlighting, training, boxing, running, spinning and ohmming?

Who I’d thank in my Emmy Award Speech

T H A N K Y O U:

SUPER DAD for cheering me on every step and for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself –
JOSH – for sticking with me when everyone else thought I’d blown it –
WILL Wannabe — if you hadn’t left me when I was down, I wouldn’t've learned how to reach higher –
CHARLAYNE for forcing me to get my real act together –
MIRA for selfless lessons, you rock! –
NILES – OMG – for being my girlfriend, hairstylist and therapist–
OLIVIA – for knowing there was so much more and teaching me how to access it — and…
DR. A — Well you know, why you’re on this list –Oops! Okay, I’ll keep it private (wink) –

Noooo! STOP the music! I’m not done yet — Really! PLEASE STOP!

Thank you… Mom… for all of your signs to FIND THE FUNNY through the madness and missteps and for giving me COURAGE (gulp!) to deliver the MAGIC –

Mom, this one’s for YOU!

(If you got an award who would you thank? Please let me know in the comments.)

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Back to the Grind: VOLUNTEERING IN THE ER

Evie... — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 17:22:38 +0000

he needs a bear hug

Arrivederci vacay!
Last night it’s back to my dreaded reality (ugh!) Running late, I’m already in deep do-do as I listen to three escalating voicemails from Charlayne, translating to: “Where the F are you!?”

The ER is a Zoo –

Triage is backed up. A worried Mommy carries in a little cutie whose curly blond locks are now stained blood red from a nasty fall. Then there’s this seven year-old scared kid who limps in with his Mom. And a nice voluptuous Latina who in-between constant calls on her cell, apologizes as her “UNCLE” upchucks all the way to the men’s room.

As I escort the limping kid (now on the verge of tears) to Bed 18, I try (unsuccessfully) to cheer him up. We pass by Dr. Adam COUGHING as he finishes up dictation on the phone –

ADAM: You’re BACK!
ME: You’re SICK!

I’m thinking: “Have you seen a doctor?” when I realize he sees one every time he looks in the mirror (ahaha!)
I covertly dial: 310 274 0101

After his unconvincing, “I’m really okay, COUGH COUGH!” Dr. A disappears into 18 where the kid is now really worked up. I sort of peek from the doorway and see Adam pretending to check different parts of him with a tickle here and a tickle there, saying “Does it hurt here? Or here?” And the kid actually laughs. So I’m kinda loving Dr. A right now.

I get beeped on my phone (oh, yeah – the delivery guy) and I run out front. When I come back carrying a bag from Nate n Al’s I see Adam coming out of 18 –

ADAM: I guess I’d better go home COUGH.

ME: Here. Matzo ball soup with extra noodles.

ADAM: Aw, that’s something my mom would do.

ME: Not what I was going for.

ADAM: No chance (cute grin) COUGH!

ME: K, well um feel better.

ADAM: Already do.

As he COUGHS his way out the door I realize I do too. Being back isn’t so bad after all. Ahaha!

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Annoying Accidents

Evie... — Tue, 10 May 2011 06:53:00 +0000

OMG! I’m such a KLUTZ!

find the funny even when it hurts

Before my 1:00 shift today I thought I could squeeze in a mani|pedi. (Wrong!) I was excited to look my best for my meeting tonight at Craigs with a up-and-coming Writer/Director. Apparently I miscalculated.

Upsettingly, the whole process took longer than usual (How would I know Nail Spa Lane would be busy on a Monday?) Realizing I was LATE, I ran through the alley, and hopped over a planter, but my flip flop got caught on the ledge and I landed face-down on the pavement. OUCH!

A sweet parking lot attendant helped me up and asked me if I was okay in Spanish (at least I think that’s what he said.) Everything ached as I limped away in total embarrassment. When I got to my car I cringed as I looked into the rear-view mirror because the right side of my face was reddish and swollen. Still I had hope.

When I got to the ER, Anthony the Triage Nurse took one look and was actually nice to me for once.

My trip down “Ungraceful Lane” got me:

A skinned right knee
A bruised left leg
A sprained right foot
A bruised right shoulder
A cut above my right eyebrow
A swollen, scraped cheek
the beginning of (s#@t!) a black eye

Thankfully nothing was broken. I didn’t need stitches by my eye. My hot E.R.Doc showed me his best bedside manner — cleaning my wounds, bandaging my knee, wrapping my foot for support. He slipped me some extra cold packs (sooo romantic – ahaha!) and told my supervisor Charlayne that I needed to have a few days off to recuperate.

Cast as “Klutzilla” in my very own HORROR MOVIE –

– I had to (boo hoo) cancel the meeting with the Writer|Director. (My agent said the character he’s looking for is NOT a battered woman!)

Oh well — guess I’ll go buy some cute dark glasses and start my recuperation at Starbucks.

Living the dream…

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Romance = Unexpected Connections

Evie... — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 16:04:17 +0000

shell we? ahaha!

An unexpected connection is the best kind of all. Especially when it’s an unexpected connection with someone you’ve wanted to connect with, but wondered if you ever would. An ordinary night becomes extraordinary. A smile means oh so much more. And you realize when you’re following through with something you need to do, (sometimes) your own needs are surprisingly fulfilled too. Uh huh uh huh.

Don’t want to get into details ‘cuz like with an audition if you talk too much about it before it’s really a sure thing, it can go… POOF!

Krispy Kremes, Dreams and Schemes

Maybe he saw me in a new way the other night. Maybe it’s a combination of all those Krispy Cremes I’ve been taking to the hospital staff lately, PLUS my nightly candle wishes, PLUS trying to be in the right place at the right time.

All I know is, yesterday I was sleeping and I woke up to a DREAM:

an unexpected beach run
the start of a beautiful day
And a big smile on my face (Oh yeah!)

(what unexpected connections have you made lately?)

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ER Shift (oh yeah!)

Evie... — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 17:36:00 +0000

Last night (after my my ER shift) something kinda magical happened. Can’t talk about it. Don’t want to jinx it. Let’s just say Volunteering in the ER has unexpected benefits. Well see…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOWHPDTTse4

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Has Texting Replaced Talking?

Evie... — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 19:21:48 +0000

is romance short-handed?

Today’s #findthefunnymonday question asks – What’s the deal with GUYS and TEXTING?

It seems like constant texting gives guys the sense that they’re with us, without actually having to put in the time. Anyone else noticing this? OMG! I’m sure “Texting” was invented by a GUY. Right?

Texting = Communicating?

Do we truly connect when we text? Depends. Getting to say what you want to say in as few words as possible and then being done with it is a Guy’s DREAM. Obvi. But Women need more. Much more.

If you Google “texting” you get all kinds of advice from “Flirty Text” to “Dirty Text.” I might just have to try out this flirt-fave I just found online –

“Stop thinking about me!:)”

I’m SO over BORING TEXTS, aren’t you!

I went out with this cute boy and we had this great time and ever since, he texts me five or six times a day, but so far there’s no hint about when or even if we’ll see each other again and it has been two weeks! Some of his riveting text subjects include details about his stomach flu (btw I was the one who wanted to throw up) delayed appointments, take-out orders. It takes every ounce of restraint to NOT text back ”ZZZZ!!”

And then there’s Dr. Mixed-Message (who has my number because I accidentally left my phone in the ER and he found it). He texted me recently (completely out of the clear blue) with–

“Go look at the moon.”

Kinda romantic and kinda confusing. I’m glad he was thinking about me, but… I’m not crazy for wanting a little more, am I?

(Gotta admit though, it was a pretty awesome moon…)