confusing emotions

Ever notice when a Emergency Siren BLASTS just as you’re in the middle of a really happy moment (like falling in love, or celebrating something?) I do. It reminds me that JOY and SADNESS happen at the same moment. There’s never a time when all of the people everywhere are happy… or sad. I guess that’s what makes the world work in a weird way.  Unfortunately or fortunately we have to experience each emotion to understand the difference, as a basis of comparison, kind’a like SALTY and SWEET. I mean, even Fairy Tales have tragedy (sadly, Bambi and Cinderella lose their Moms.)

Nightmare Night-Shift –

At the Hospital last night I ended up staying past my ER Shift, way into the morning hours.  Every once in awhile in the ER, you get to know repeat patients and their families. Sure, you recognize Frequent Fliers (there for drugs) or Homeless People (there for food). But I’m talking about Patients who come in for chronic problems, along with their family members who love, worry and support them.

So last night this wonderful Hispanic Family brings in their 70 year-old Abuela (recently-widowed, mother of 13, grandmother of 31) with breathing problems and chest pains. I’ve seen them many times before, due to Abuela’s chronic health issues.

Surrounded by her hard-working and loving family (all became American Citizens btw) Abuela’s MUCH WORSE than usual. She’s weak, sweating, disoriented and gasping for breath. No Triage Nurses are around (strangely) so I rush her through the Trauma Door and suddenly the Charge Nurse grabs her wheelchair, pushes her into into Bed 1, hoists her onto the gurney –

CODE BLUE!
Staff storms in!
Paddles!
Curtain swishes CLOSED!
Frantic NOISE!
Then… NOTHING…
DEAD SILENCE!

Standing there dazed, I barely notice when the Psyche Nurse taps me on the shoulder and asks me to bring the Family into the PEDS WAITING ROOM (aka “The Bad News Room.”)

When there are no words…

Outside the door, I hear painful GASPS and SOBS! I swallow my heart. But stay… and wait… and wait.

When the Psyche Nurse walks out, I walk in. I try to comfort Abuela’s distraught daughters and sons, but what can you really say? NOTHING. You can HUG and LISTEN, but that’s really all you can do in a situation like this. Oh yeah, you also CRY… because it stirs up… MEMORIES…

At 5:30 AM (looking my ugliest) I’m in the elevator on my way to the parking lot, and a Man says, “Evie?” (Oh, It’s the Nice Dad of an old HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND I haven’t seen in years. Usually I’d be bummed, looking so awful, but today I don’t even care.)

Why are you in the hospital, is everything okay?

A proud grin –

_ _ _ _ _ _  (patient confidentiality) just had a baby!  Come see!

So I do…

And that’s what I mean about HAPPY/SAD…

(What Happy/Sad Moments have you experienced this year already? Or ever?)

Liked that? Check out:

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• Staying Calm vs. Over-Reacting

I’ve been feeling GUILTY about something for the last 48 hours…I need to be straight with you –

In my last post about “GOSSIPS and MEANIES” I pretended like I was talking about someone else (you prob’ly saw right through me anyway.) I was really embarrassed about being a complete weenie since…

I’m “Hottie” (no, I don’t think I’m hot, but some deranged people do.) I’m the one who allowed myself to be manipulated by Pushy. Humiliating as it is to admit, I gave my POWER over to someone else. No one should do that.  NO ONE.

Pushy couldn’t’ve pushed me if I hadn’t allowed it. Pushy wouldn’t’ve had any power, if I hadn’t given her mine. I allowed her to insinuate herself into MY life. MINE.  Thankfully I’m away from her now, and growing a spine.

I need to OWN my part in the DRAMA,  learn from it and move on. Maybe you’ll learn from my mistakes.

THE POWER IS YOURS –

Whether you’re male | female | gay |straight… If you’re in healthcare | tech support | a teacher| a bartender| in fashion | in finance| in the entertainment business| in the service business | self-employed | unemployed …

If you’re ANYONE, ANYWHERE doing ANYTHING –

Never ever ever give your POWER away to anyone else. It belongs to YOU!

I’m so sorry I didn’t trust you in the first place.

xo/evie

Liked that? Check out:

• GOSSIPS: Fanning the Fire
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dr. crush

You think you know what you want. But what if you got it, would you even want it? Would you even know what to do with it? What if you blow it? What if you make the most of it? What if you’re not sure, but you’re willing to take some risks?

Are you EVOLVING or ESCAPING?

Is it the right time or the wrong time? Are you just biding time, because you’ve got time on your hands? Maybe it’s because he’s hands-off, unavailable like so many guys. So it’s the chase, not the win you can’t shake.

Think about your real life — the one you almost had — the one you’ve been working for. You know, the one that’s on hold right now.  Maybe he’ll hold you back from your hopes and dreams. What about living the dream? Maybe he’s just a dream.  What if it’s a nightmare ending? Maybe he’s not all he seems. Maybe he’s so much MORE!  Winners are better than wannabes, right? But are you a loser if you wannabe with a winner? Will you feel less if he’s more?

INDECISION OR INTROSPECTION?

Can you even find a soul mate, when you’re not sure who you are?  Can the qualities in him make up for those MIA in yourself? Is it complementing or copping out?

Clearly he’s someone you can count on? Now you won’t have to count on yourself. Or maybe he’ll count on you too. And together you’ll go to infinity.

If you change, will you recognize your reflection? Would that be good or would that be bad? Are you supposed to know all the answers in your twenties? Would you want to, if you could?

He’s not your typical type. But what if it’s time for a change? Changes are good if they’re good. Or do you just need a quick fix? Do you feel broken inside? Is it the white coat effect? Is your pulse racing because he’s an MD?

Are you HEALING or HALLUCINATING? Does this call for champagne or medication?

With every answer, you get questions.

Is this LOVE or are you going INSANE? Call the paramedics! Get to your ER —  STAT!

(if anyone else has the answers, pul-eeze leave a comment!)

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• Back to the Grind: VOLUNTEERING IN THE ER
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Emmy - What if?

Here’s the deal. I (like probably every Actor on earth) have an AWARD SPEECH playing and rewinding in my brain, ready for the BIG MOMENT.  Revisions occur regularly after the OSCARS, EMMYS and SAG AWARDS  each year and of course any time I’m about to get a BIG BREAK that’ll TOTALLY CHANGE MY CAREER! (Sound familiar fellow-Actors?)

Naturally I pay close attention to what works (luv’d Ty Burrell‘s “Tight Genes”speech) , what falls flat and what touches people (hi-five to Guy Pearce for inserting the raciest touch!) If the acceptance speech elicits laughs and tears it’s probably a good one, right?

Here’s my current list to thank, but I’m still working on it. Luckily or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it, MOM!) I’ve got time to tweak it, revise it and hone it. And FYI I think it’s a total waste of the clicking clock to keep repeating the words, “And I want to” thank…  So I’m planning on keeping it in the present tense, to reduce my word count and show more appreciation.  Also, if we’re talking about peeves, I’m getting a little bored with “I didn’t think I’d win, so I didn’t plan a speech” — Come on! Everyone imagines “what if?” otherwise YTF are we waxing,  juice cleansing, botoxing, highlighting, training, boxing, running, spinning and ohmming?

Who I’d thank in my Emmy Award Speech

T H A N K    Y O U:

• SUPER DAD for cheering me on every step and for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself –
• JOSH – for sticking with me when everyone else thought I’d blown it –
• WILL Wannabe — if you hadn’t left me when I was down, I wouldn’t've learned how to reach higher –
• CHARLAYNE for forcing me to get my real act together –
• MIRA for selfless lessons, you rock! –
• NILES – OMG – for being my girlfriend, hairstylist and therapist–
• OLIVIA – for knowing there was so much more and teaching me how to access it — and…
• DR. A — Well you know, why you’re on this list –Oops!  Okay, I’ll keep it private (wink) –

Noooo! STOP the music!  I’m not done yet — Really! PLEASE STOP!

Thank you… Mom… for all of your signs to FIND THE FUNNY through the madness and missteps and for giving me COURAGE (gulp!) to deliver the MAGIC –

Mom, this one’s for YOU!

(If you got an award who would you thank? Please let me know in the comments.)

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• Programming My LIfe

he needs a bear hug

Arrivederci vacay!
Last night it’s back to my dreaded reality (ugh!) Running late, I’m already in deep do-do as I listen to three escalating voicemails from Charlayne, translating to: “Where the F are you!?”

The ER is a Zoo –

Triage is backed up. A worried Mommy carries in a little cutie whose curly blond locks are now stained blood red from a nasty fall. Then there’s this seven year-old scared kid who limps in with his Mom. And a nice voluptuous Latina who in-between constant calls on her cell, apologizes as her “UNCLE” upchucks all the way to the men’s room.

As I escort the limping kid (now on the verge of tears) to Bed 18, I try (unsuccessfully) to cheer him up. We pass by Dr. Adam COUGHING as he finishes up dictation on the phone –

ADAM: You’re BACK!
ME: You’re SICK!

I’m thinking: “Have you seen a doctor?” when I realize he sees one every time he looks in the mirror (ahaha!)
I covertly dial: 310 274 0101

After his unconvincing, “I’m really okay, COUGH COUGH!”  Dr. A disappears into 18 where the kid is now really worked up. I sort of peek from the doorway and see Adam pretending to check different parts of him with a tickle here and a tickle there, saying “Does it hurt here? Or here?” And the kid actually laughs. So I’m kinda loving Dr. A right now.

I get beeped on my phone (oh, yeah – the delivery guy) and I run out front. When I come back carrying a bag from Nate n Al’s I see Adam coming out of 18 –

ADAM:  I guess I’d better go home COUGH.

ME:  Here. Matzo ball soup with extra noodles.

ADAM: Aw, that’s something my mom would do.

ME:  Not what I was going for.

ADAM:  No chance (cute grin) COUGH!

ME:  K, well um feel better.

ADAM:  Already do.

As he COUGHS his way out the door I realize I do too. Being back isn’t so bad after all. Ahaha!

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My Dad is–

• my Rock
• my Mr. Mom
• my up when I’m down

When I was little and we’d go on vacations, he’d call my room pretending to be “Throckmorton” my secret admirer (and I totally bought it!)  When I was at camp, he’d send me letters cut up like puzzles or written backwards (when everyone else just got boring normal mail.)  In middle school we’d brainstorm into the night, creating award-winning projects in his workshop.  And he was always super cool — taking me to concerts like STING, MICHAEL JACKSON and JACKSON BROWNE.

My friends are all jealous, but they love him to pieces and many have actually asked to be adopted! Seriously! I mean it. He’s really that awesome!

When I get hurt, he’d makes it all better. When I book a job, he’s be my biggest FAN.

My Dad taught me –

• How to balance my checkbook (still kind’a working on it)
• How a man is supposed to treat a woman
• How to barbeque a perfect steak
• That problems are often small pebbles of sand
• How to turn the lights off when I’m not in the room
• How to use a labeler to organize life
• How to swim
• How to make the world’s best pancakes
• How to be thoughtful
• How to fix a broken toilet
• How to be generous
• “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right”
• It’s okay to look goofy when you dance
• “Problems are never as big as they seem”

He’s a hard act to follow –
Smart and Handsome (with a touch of “dork”) –
he makes me laugh when I’m sad…
and cry when I’m happy.

I’m about to go bake him his favorite: – PECAN PIE –
And tomorrow I’ll go remind him how lucky I am.  ♥

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
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learning from the best

My Mom always loved HATS –

• Comfy Knit Hats
• English Straw Hats
• Romantic 1920′s cloches

When I was little, my Dad taught me the expression — “Keep it under your hat!”

He (secretly) suggested that I make my Mom a HAT for Mother’s Day, which I thought was an AWESOME idea!

“DIY” kinda…

He showed me where “he’d” hidden flowers, ribbons and plastic cherries to decorate a plain straw hat, which was also in the same “hiding place.” I realize now – that no way could my Dad’ve come up with that idea. It’s so NOT a “guy’s idea” right?  What I didn’t know then was that my Mom set it all up, so my Dad could help me “surprise” her. Soooo sweet!

Together my Dad and I made a ribbon band (clearly it was “the blind leading the blind”) and then we twisted wire on an assortment of flower and cherry stems in order to hide the un-pretty parts under the band (at least we tried.) And VOILA! I (we) created a CHAPEAU.

We wrapped it all up in a fabric covered hat box (also in the closet, which somehow I didn’t question) and tied it with a ribbon and a rose from the garden.  Then I woke Mom up and she was completely SURPRISED, as you can imagine. Actually, she’s the one who should’ve become an Actress, since I completely bought her performance (too bad she can’t go to my auditions for me.)

Of course she wore the Hat, every chance she got —  and she told everyone everyone EVERYONE that I was the Hat Designer.

Hats off to you, Mom –

for providing the SUNSHINE in my heart <3

(How are you celebrating Mother’s Day?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: Working on it
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shell we? ahaha!

An unexpected connection is the best kind of all. Especially when it’s an unexpected connection with someone you’ve wanted to connect with, but wondered if you ever would. An ordinary night becomes extraordinary. A smile means oh so much more. And you realize when you’re following through with something you need to do, (sometimes) your own needs are surprisingly fulfilled too. Uh huh uh huh.

Don’t want to get into details ‘cuz like with an audition if you talk too much about it before it’s really a sure thing, it can go…  POOF!

Krispy Kremes, Dreams and Schemes

Maybe he saw me in a new way the other night. Maybe it’s a combination of all those Krispy Cremes I’ve been taking to the hospital staff lately, PLUS my nightly candle wishes, PLUS trying to be in the right place at the right time.

All I know is, yesterday I was sleeping and I woke up to a DREAM:

• an unexpected beach run
• the start of a beautiful day
• And a big smile on my face (Oh yeah!)

(what unexpected connections have you made lately?)

Liked that? Check out:

• BEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: Working on it
• Life: not according to plan
• HOT IN CLEVELAND: funny find!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOWHPDTTse4

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Back to the Grind: VOLUNTEERING IN THE ER
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is romance short-handed?

Today’s #findthefunnymonday question asks – What’s the deal with GUYS and TEXTING?

It seems like constant texting gives guys the sense that they’re with us, without actually having to put in the time.  Anyone else noticing this? OMG! I’m sure “Texting” was invented by a GUY. Right?

Texting = Communicating?

Do we truly connect when we text? Depends. Getting to say what you want to say in as few words as possible and then being done with it is a Guy’s DREAM. Obvi. But Women need more. Much more.

If you Google “texting” you get all kinds of advice from “Flirty Text” to “Dirty Text.” I might just have to try out this flirt-fave I just found online  –

“Stop thinking about me!:)”

I’m SO over BORING TEXTS, aren’t you!

I went out with this cute boy and we had this great time and ever since, he texts me five or six times a day, but so far there’s no hint about when or even if we’ll see each other again and it has been two weeks! Some of his riveting text subjects include details about his stomach flu (btw I was the one who wanted to throw up) delayed appointments, take-out orders. It takes every ounce of restraint to NOT text back  ”ZZZZ!!”

And then there’s Dr. Mixed-Message (who has my number because I accidentally left my phone in the ER and he found it). He texted me recently (completely out of the clear blue) with–

“Go look at the moon.”

Kinda romantic and kinda confusing.  I’m glad he was thinking about me, but… I’m not crazy for wanting a little more, am I?

(Gotta admit though, it was a pretty awesome moon…)

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