Funny Stories + Hollywood Hurts | Evie Stewart's Funny Bone » How-To…

A Perfect Sunday

Evie... — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:03:15 +0000

Mellow in Malibu

L.A. — right here | right now:

Blue sky. Perfect Weather. Birds are singing. All is well.

Stretch

Sing

Run

Climb

Breathe

Smile

Dream

Laugh

Appreciate

Reflect

Savor

What’s your perfect Sunday? Making the most of it? How? Share!

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Funny Thought of the Day: Feeling Judged

Evie... — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 15:37:26 +0000

judg-y voice = headache

OMG! Did the Horoscopian Astrologer at the L.A. Times read my post FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS ? I think maybe this was written specifically to me:

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20):

The judge inside your head is keeping you from being as free and expressive as you really want to be.”

Weird, right?

Did you check your horoscope today?

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Follow Your Instincts

Evie... — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 07:01:23 +0000

make a choice and own it!

Are you in a CREATIVE profession? Are there TOO MANY VOICES in your head? How do you know who’s right and who’s wrong?

Trouble is you don’t. Why? Because–

Creative Expression is SUBJECTIVE.

Some people “get you” and some people don’t.
Actors, Writers, Musicians, Directors and Stand-up Comics–
have highs and lows depending on how well their–

last film did at box office -
their last TV show placed in the Nielsen Ratings -
their last gig…

Whatever IT was, IT became the new measurement on the — STARMETER OF LIFE.

PRESSURE? You bet! Especially when there are SO many effing cooks on every creative project.

Chances are if you’re good at what you do and you’re making money at it, there are moments when your Confidence is MIA!

One of the worst things we can do when we suffer from “Insecurititis” (ultra contagious, especially for Actors) is to ask too many people for their OPINIONS.

Go ahead, ask ten people to tell you their favorite film, TV show, song, artist or play and odds are you’ll get different answers. It all depends on taste. Some people think gross-out comedy is the be-all-end-all, but some people are repelled by it. Romantics love romcoms, but others find them more torturous than a horror movie. Speaking of horror movies, I don’t care how well they do, when my agent tries to get me to audition for one, I pass. It’s wayyy to scary to put myself in that world!

I’ve learned to listen to my own voice. Especially when other people’s opinions are different from each other’s.

Acting Classes and Acting Coaches are great,

but too many at the same time can be confusing. I’ve picked the one coach who gets me and who I get. We both have the same goal (which is for me to get a job STAT!) And I’m keeping her a secret for obvious reasons (starting with my “insecurititis” ahaha!)

Everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean he|she should give advice. When my agent Josh starts talking to me about what I should wear in an audition, I look at what he wears and what I wear and I say to myself,

Um Evie — trust your own instincts.

In the end you need to listen to your own voice, right? Otherwise you’ll be blaming everyone else for the wrong choices they made for you. And that’s NOT funny.

When did you last trust your instincts? Happy with the results?

What about when you didn’t? How’d that work out for you?

(share in the comments)

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Shopping: L.A. Hotlinks Update

Evie... — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 16:51:55 +0000

vanessa bruno

Since I have to monitor my spending these days, I can’t go shopping as much as I’d like (sadly). Still, it’s good to stay up on the latest, because I might book a job at any moment (fingers crossed!) and I’ll need to look good for the press tour. Ahaha!

Seriously, you know they always say about things being more likely to happen, if you believe they will (I do, I do!)

In the meantime, if YOU happen to be planning a trip to L.A. (or you live here and actually have a job) – this is my list of current faves (at various price points).

I’m particularly excited about Brandy Melville my latest find, because you can buy so much for your money there and everything is actually made in Italy (instead of an Italian line that’s made in China, which sadly has become the norm.)

Awesome Shopping in L.A. or Online:

Vanessa Bruno
(her new L.A. store is awesome!)

Free City
(a trend in itself – Malibu must)

Brandy Melville
(great Italian style well-priced)

Barneys NY
(fashion forward everything in one stop)

Satine
(they get Isabel Marant early in L.A.)

Curve
(young Hollywood flocks to Curve)

Heist
(another great Isabel source in Venice)

Planet Blue
(trendy American lines – moderately priced)

Ron Herman
(Free City, Elizabeth & James, Alexander Wang)

Madison
(recognizable names & emerging designers )

Fred Segal Melrose
(the granddad of Hollywood ultra cool)

Chloe
(tucked away on Melrose Place – high quality)

Stella McCartney
(trend setting is in her genes – she never disappoints)

Maison Martin Margiela
(clean lines – never goes out of style)

in Westwood/Santa Monica

What are your shopping FAVES? Share Share Share in the Comments – Pul-eeze!

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Want it? Be it!

Evie... — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 07:01:02 +0000

what are you tempted to try?

Searching for AWESOMENESS?

Be AWESOME!

Not just today -

EVERY DAY!

Want a change?

Mix things up.

Need more passion?
(Put your heart in it!)

Want more glitter?
(Sparkle plenty!)

Can’t hear the music?
(Sing soulfully!)

Feeling off?
(Find your rhythm!)

Out of touch?
(Help anyone!)

A different perspective?
(Wear rosey shades!)

World too discombulated?
(Feng Shui your life!)

(How will you mix things up to get that change you want? Share in the comments)

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Dear Innocent Heartbreaker:

Evie... — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 07:19:38 +0000

Your job has you saying ‘no’ all-day-every-day to lots of people and projects and material even if you like them, and that can’t be easy on you. So I’m here with a new way to help you say ‘YES!” and get that good karma flowing again.

It’s so NOT what you think –

I won’t beg you to look at me (no one likes a needy girl, ewww.)
I won’t tease you with my long blond hair and my killer smile (oh, right – I won’t do that.)
and I won’t chase after you with my long legs (I hate stalkers, obvi!)

But if you don’t take a sec to imagine finding say, the next Goldie Hawn or the next Anna Faris or the next Evie Stewart — (I like the way that sounds!) — won’t you feel awful when someone else does? In a big way?

If you really don’t want to fall for an up-and-coming actress who trips on her way up the ladder and falls (face first) into a court-ordered volunteer smock (fugly!) at a busy ER… then I can’t force you.

But when you first heard about me, you liked it all enough to ask for more… anything I can do to help you, uh, get to know me better? Maybe well enough to get introduced to your colleagues, to your boss, to your friend at the agency…?

Being an actress up for a part must be soooo much like being a screenwriter waiting to hear back about a submitted script. Audition, wait, submit, follow-up. Ugh. It never gets any easier either, does it?

So, my dear Innocent Heartbreaker — I know you don’t MEAN to keep me in limbo, waiting to hear back after that first fun meeting when you heard all about my life and adventures and all this. But if you could please put me and my FUNNY BONE back on your to-do list for this week, I’d loooove to hear from you…

Thanks!
xo – Evie

PS: Even if the chemistry’s not right on this one, it’s not your fault or my fault, so no hard feelings ’cause there’s always next time, right?

PSS: I’m closing the comments on this post for the first time ever ’cause I’m feeling insecure, but I know you guys are with me in spirit like always. Fingers crossed!

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Making Wishes: 26 Ways

Evie... — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 16:06:50 +0000

magically thinking

Wow! I never knew there were so many opportunities to make wishes before I started researching this post. Here are 26 (2+6=8) of my faves. Of course, my wish for the first one would totally depend on who’s riding the horse .

In my research I discovered a site: http://www.real-wishes.com/ where you make a wish and keep going back to reinforce it for eight days (besides putting an 8 in the mirror at 11:11). I have absolutely no idea if it works, but they don’t ask for any personal info and it’s free, so it’s worth a try, right?

Wish Superstitions:

Make a wish at the sight of a white horse.
Make a wish when you cross a new bridge.
Touch blue and your wish will come true.
If you make a wish before you go up a hill and do not look back, your wish will come true.
Make a wish each time you eat a green M&M.
If you find a four-leaved clover, hold it above the head and make a wish.
Upon entering a strange house go to the kitchen and make a wish. It will come true.
Make a wish when you see three birds on a telephone wire.
Put a watermelon seed on your forehead and make a wish before it falls off
When you see a gray cat, look at its fore feet and make a wish. If you see it again, the wish will come to pass.
Make a wish before you blow out the candles on your birthday cake.
Make a wish on the first star you see at night.
Throw a coin in a fountain; make a wish when the water clears so you can see your reflection.
Make a wish on a new pair of shoes before you wear them for the first time.
Make a wish with another person on a wishbone. Each takes an end and pulls until it breaks. The person with the largest piece of bone gets the “lucky break” and the wish.
Make a wish on the first robin you see in the spring.
Find a penny, wear it in your left shoe, and your wish will come true.
If you drop a dish cloth, step over it and make a wish.
Wishes made on Midsummer’s Eve (June 23) are most likely to come true.
Hold your breath and make a wish while crossing a short straight bridge.
Make a wish when you see the first star and do not speak until you see another. The wish will come true.
When you see a shooting star, if you say “money” three times you will have a full pocket book.
If you find a horseshoe with the toe towards you, throw it over your right shoulder and make a wish.
If you see a crow flying through the air, make a wish. If he does not flap his wings before he goes out of sight, the wish will come true. If he does flap his wings, look away, and if you do not see him again your wish will come true.
Make a wish and throw a piece of wish vine over your right shoulder into the weeds. If it grows, your wish will come true.
A wish will come true if you make it while burning onions.

Oh, and btw – I also discovered that “A frog brings good luck to the house it enters.” But I guess it depends on whether or not he turns into a prince and likes the smell of burning onions. Ahahaha!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Fcft9j_ExQ

(What brings you good luck? Share in the comments.)

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages

Evie... — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:19:28 +0000

It’s another Monday morning and once again, I feel totally confused by my Sunday night ER shift.

Every time I see Dr. A at the hospital, I suffer from “white coat syndrome-itis.” My pulse races. My chest gets all red and splotchy. I get nervous in a way that only happens when I’m in a really important audition.

BUT I’m super confused by his ambivalence. Sometimes I can tell he’s really into seeing me. Other times he’s seems completely allergic to my charms.

Here are the good signs…

When I catch him looking at me (before he looks away).
When he stands really close to me (and I know it’s not an accident).
When he remembers something I said (when I didn’t think he was listening).
When he mentions something I wore (when I didn’t think he noticed).
When he laughs at something I said (when I wasn’t even trying to be funny).

On the other hand, we do work together and he seems kind of paranoid about doing anything that’s not doctor-ish. I guess he is supposed to be there for a reason – um, like saving lives.

In my never-ending goal to figure out how he feels, I’ve decided to research other hospital relationships (even though they’re not exactly real). But hey – isn’t TV based on real life?

(Grey’s Anatomy)
Alex Karev: “For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can’t get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can’t cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don’t want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it’s everything.”

(Private Practice)
Dr. Pete Wilder: “Listen, about the fantasies. Just wanted to say that I’m not above a fantasy or two… about you.”

(ER)
Dr. Doug Ross: “I’m not a grown-up doctor. ”
Nurse Lydia Wright: “Yes, we know.”

(ER)
Dr. Luka Kovac: I don’t even know who she is!
Abby Lockhart: She knows who you are.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I don’t think so.
Abby Lockhart: Oh, Luka, every woman who works in the hospital knows who you are. Trust me.

(House)
Cameron: “Could pain medication cause an orgasm?”
House: “I wish.”

(ER)
Dr. Doug Ross: “You can get through my door.”
Carol Hathaway: “Anything wearing a bra can get through your door.”

(Grey’s Anatomy)
Derek Shepherd: “It’s not the chase.”
Meredith Grey: “What?”
Derek Shepherd: “You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It’s not a game. It’s… it’s your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair. ”
Meredith Grey: “My hair?”
Derek Shepherd: “It smells good. And you’re very, very ballsy. It keeps me in line.”
Meredith Grey: “I’m still not going out with you. ”
Derek Shepherd: “You say that now.”

(ER)
Dr. Kerry Weaver:‘You know what? I’m really very flattered. It’s just that I’m, uh… I mean… gosh, you’re such a beautiful woman. You’re… you’re so beautiful. But I’m… I… I’m straight… I mean, I don’t… I’m straight. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I don’t know… I don’t know what’s… ”
[starts laughing, then stops abruptly]
Dr. Kerry Weaver: “I mean, I’m sorry… I just… I don’t… I feel very… ”
[exhales]
Dr. Kerry Weaver: “… I’m… You know what?… I… I just… I mean, I… I guess I never even really considered this.”

(Private Practice)
Addison: “I don’t want to be just another notch on your acupuncture table. I want more.”
Pete: “What do you say we just see how it goes… tonight?”
Addison: “I can work with that.”

(ER)
Carol Hathaway: “What if the elevator moves? You could get killed!”
Dr. Doug Ross: “Well, then you won’t have to worry about a commitment.”
Carol Hathaway: “Doug, I’m serious!”

(Chicago Hope)
Geiger:” Am I the only one in this hospital not having sex?”

(Grey’s Anatomy)
Meredith Grey: Don’t look at me like that, like you’ve seen me naked.

Thanks Meredith — that’s EXACTLY how I feel! Actually in my case he has NOT seen me naked, but I feel like he can see a part of me no one else can see (and that’s a little scary!)

To be continued… (ahahaha!)

(What on-the-job romances or almost-romances have you experienced? Share in the comments.)

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

HOTLINKS FOR ACTORS

Evie... — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 23:34:38 +0000

I’ve decided to “Act” like I’m organized by updating my–
Best of L.A. and Hotlinks pages.

Since I started with some of my I Love L.A. additions–
I guess this is PART TWO of my –

Updating Everything Plan

This list focuses on the needs of Actors, because Actors need all the help we can get, right?

So if you’re ready and set for some action, try some of these –

HOT LINKS: ACTOR RESOURCES in alphabetical order

a & i photographic services – isgo lepejian

backstage.com

committed impulse with josh pais

conrad allan

cynopsis.com

h cdonline.com

hollywoodreporter.com

lesly kahn

strategy coaching with shawn tolleson

stepphenwolf west

tvtracker.com

ucb theater

ute ville

variety.com

wilder brothers recording studio

(Got some hotlinks to add? Please tell about them in the comments.)

Share and Enjoy:

Liked that? Check out:

HOT IN CLEVELAND: funny find!

Evie... — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 04:30:55 +0000

Hotties

On the home page of IMDB Pro right now is a picture of Betty White with the heading –

“HOT IN CLEVELAND is TV Land’s most –watched ever.”

Imagine – FOUR WOMEN (the youngest of which is 49) who in one show manage to bring in –

THE MOST FANS of TV Land’s History!

Four Actresses whose total ages add up to: 246!

Seriously this is HUGE news in a world where actresses like me start to worry when we’re barely on the wrong side of quarter-life.

Even though I had no idea what channel TV Land was on (thank god for Tivo!) I watched “HOT IN CLEVELAND” last night to see four sitcom legends (all previously on mega-networks) do something out-of-the-box and in-the-box at the very same time.

And BTW, they were – AWESOME!

HOT IN CLEVELAND may be pure sitcom but it manages to–
NOT feel outdated.

The jokes are modern–
but not dumb-funny,
or potty-humor funny,
or trying-too-hard funny
just– FEEL GOOD FUNNY

KUDOS to–
Jane Leeves, Valerie Bertinelli, Wendie Malick and Betty White!

You ladies are–

HOT and HILARIOUS.

Way to go super-smarty producer Sean Hayes! Bet you’re laughing all the way to the bank. (And you managed to make TV news that rivals the Lakers’ big win and Roberto and Ali flying through the air in LION KING!)

Interestingly, HOT IN CLEVELAND is now the hottest show in TV Land’s history. How cool is that!?

(How hot do you plan to be when you’re hovering around the half-century mark? Share in the comments.)

Share and Enjoy: