you can do it!

We all have different styles when it comes to reacting to stress. Some of us have a gut-reaction, which results in an IUR (immediate uncensored response). Others need time to process. There’s not necessarily a good or bad way – whatever our way is, it’s ours.

take it easy!

Like Anthony Chan our Triage Nurse for instance:  One never has to wonder what Anthony is thinking – he can be judge-y, abrupt, off-putting… but you always know where you stand with him. He’s a perfectionist who’s hardest on himself and lots of times his condescending behavior is a result of how much he cares about getting things right. His ability to instantly react makes him great at his job, because in an emergency he’s immediately on it!  He’s very “exacting” so when he needs to take charge, he owns it. But I’ve gotta be honest —  sometimes his  overly-BIG responses to the teeniest issues push me over edge of the gurney!

On the flip side — the opposite reactive-style can irritating as well —  like someone who doesn’t react, or reacts passively –like a certain Doctor I know.  He tends to avoid confrontation by refusing to engage, mainly because he takes time to think things through. He’s good in an emergency in a different way, because he remains calm and doesn’t make the wrong decision. But in a male-female disagreement he’s EXHAUSTING because he tends to check out — like completely. I’m probably just jealous, because by the time he says something, he’s thought it through and says what he wants to say – carefully and thoughtfully. He lets the emotion simmer down and generally becomes more objective in the process.  Sooo annoying! Beyond!!!

To React or Not React — That is the Question!

I’m somewhere in the middle.  If someone is hammering on me I eventually react. I’ve been known to get a little teary and defensive. I rarely yell or raise my voice though. I’m always so worried about what someone will think of me in the end, that I almost always see the other side and realize maybe I could’ve been better.  Some people have a hard time with the words “I’m sorry.” For me “Sorry-sorry” is part of my daily dialogue.

I guess deep down we’re all a little sorry-sorry when we give others a hard time.  It doesn’t make them feel good, but it doesn’t make us feel good either. Even Don Draper feels bad after he barks at Betty or misunderstands Megan.

If only we could stay calm and say what we wished we would’ve said after we’ve played it over in our mind many times after.  Maybe Dr. Crush has the right idea after all. But don’t tell him I said so… ahaha.

(Coming up soon — GIVING SOMEONE THE SILENT TREATMENT… it’s another angle on diffusing the anger and often ends up in laughter. More when I feel like writing more…)

What’s your reactive style? Share in the comments!

Liked that? Check out:

• Being Stuck
• Programming My LIfe
• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer

I highly recommend it

Flirting is fun, free and invigorating. You can do it wherever you are, whenever you feel like it (usually).  It’s an easy smile and a little oomph added to the day. It can be the smallest moment that doesn’t lead to anything, or it can be the beginning of something big. Regardless, it’s what makes an ordinary day a little more interesting and it’s usually not planned —  it just happens organically.

Flirting is Most Interesting When You Least Expect it –

This cute anesthesiologist I’d never seen before — Dr. P — was passing through the ER during my shift last Thursday asking if anyone had scissors. No one did. I offered to help and knocked on Feng the Storekeeper’s door. Feng’s the go-to guy when I need to restock the Triage Coloring Books or find some random thing that’s usually stocked in an ER Room, but missing.  Unfortunately scissors were “on order.”

So I tracked down hottie Dr. P and relayed the bad-scissors-news. Always the helpful Volunteer, I offered to go get mine out of my car. I explained that I always carry around scissors, in case I need a weapon– you know, in case there’s an attack of some kind. That kinda surprised Dr. P (I love surprising guys), so he came back with –

But then I’d feel responsible if something were to happen to you on your way home.

Of course I liked that. Then a minute or so later, the Desk Clerk asked if anyone wanted to go in on the “over 500 million dollar lottery.” I said “I’m in” and so did Dr. P.  So I asked him since I was now going to my car to get my money anyway, didn’t he want me to get the scissors as long as I was there?

I’ll need to check on you, to make sure you make it home safely.

Okay, yeah — good idea and clearly another moment that illustrates the benefits of Volunteering at the hospital…

Well we didn’t win the lottery obvi (apparently no one in California did), but he did ask for my number so I guess that’s a win/win after all. Yes-yes it is-is.

Time will tell. My regular Dr. Crush has been slightly MIA lately, so I’m kinda-sorta open to the kind of FLIRTING that might lead to somewhere.  But, no matter what — the short-lived encounter did remind me why I love to Flirt. It feels good and takes me back to the way I felt in high school when a cute boy noticed me for the first time.

(How about you? Do you like to flirt as much as I do?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages
• Staying Calm vs. Over-Reacting

if you mean it, say it!

Feeling Appreciated –

• motivates us
• moves us
• connects us

When we FEEL APPRECIATED, we want to go the EXTRA STEP; feel that good feeling again. It’s such a HUGE element in just about every relationship and it can make the difference between THINGS WORKING OR NOT.  When we stop feeling appreciated, we feel like giving up—or finding something or someone  else .  Feeling “Taken For Granted” is the BEGINNING OF THE END.

I mean, listen to your friends complaints about almost any relationship… (does this sound familiar?) –

• He doesn’t get me
• She doesn’t appreciate all that I do
• My boss doesn’t know how hard I work
• I never hear what’s right, only what’s wrong.

Relationships (connect or disconnect)

I’m beginning t think that the biggest reason people break up is because we stop feeling like our other half “gets us”. Tyrell, the ER Radiologist can look at an X-ray and see exactly what’s wrong, but when he looks at his wife, he doesn’t get that she’s exhausted and unappreciated. He just sees her as a nag, — when all she wants him to do is appreciate that she’s killing herself to raise two little boys, hold down a part-time job,  take care of their house, stay in shape and be a GOOD WIFE. I keep telling him, she needs to feel like she did when they met – when he couldn’t get enough of her,; say enough cute things to her or smile whenever she walked into the room. Smiling is one of the simplest signals of appreciation, ‘cuz it shows that you’re happy and that maybe someone else in your world has had something to do with that.

Work (motivate or discourage)

The point of Volunteering in the ER is not necessarily so that someone will appreciate me, but I must say, it goes a long way in keeping me there and motivated. When a stressed-out Nurse gives me a hard time, I can’t help but wonder, “what’s the point?” Yesterday I had the opportunity to go up and help a patient I took upstairs to Labor and Delivery and I couldn’t believe the difference in the way the Nurses treated me as a Volunteer. They kept saying how nice it was that I was there and that I was really a big help in calming the anxious Mommy-to-be and I must say I wished that I could volunteer in Labor and Delivery instead of the ER (my patient has a girl, btw.)

Auditioning (nurture or destroy)

Weirdly enough, when I’m in Auditions, the best motivator for me is when the CD’s and producers LAUGH (I mean if it’s comedy, obvi) — but that’s how I know I’m being appreciated and doing my job. I don’t even have to be cast for the role, if I know I did well in the room.  Naturally applause and a call-back are the ultimate motivators (oh, and a paycheck) — but just feeling like someone’s glad I’m there helps… it really does.

Doing well in the room – whether it’s acting, working, loving –

is what makes us want to do more. So if you want to motivate someone, show a little sincere appreciation. Focus on what they’re doing right not wrong. It’ll go a very long way, trust me!

P.S. – I really appreciate you for reading this! Thanks!

Liked that? Check out:

• Finding our Way (with a little help from our friends)
• Programming My LIfe
• GOSSIPS: Fanning the Fire

Now what?

Recently I was rushing to my ER shift (late as usual) and got into the WRONG hospital elevator. Wrong because for my first time ever, it wouldn’t open. Like many, I’d played out this scenario countless times before, wondering how I’d deal with it.

Would I:

• Be Claustrophobic?
• Be Panicky?
• Calm others?

Actually my first thought was:

At least I’ll have a good excuse for being late.

Since there was no one else in there with me, calming others wasn’t necessary. I felt strangely calm myself – maybe because FEELING STUCK is a familiar state for me right now.

I pushed the Emergency Button, got a Hospital operator of some kind who told me help was on the way.  But then help didn’t come quite that fast and instead of hearing a human’s voice, I heard what sounded like a phone disconnect. EEE-ah EE-ah!

DISCONNECTED is kinda like –

Living in Limbo

It happens to all of us, right?

We get stuck

• In our careers
• In our search for true love
• In discovering who we are

Spinning our wheels, but not going anywhere

WHAT IF we’re not supposed to worry about how to get UN-STUCK? Maybe BEING STUCK is a necessary part of life because it forces us to slow down, re-evaluate where we are and where we want to be — plus figure out how we’re gonna get there. Maybe it’s like  YIN/YANG or HAPPY/SAD  where you have to understand one to fully “get” the other. BEING STUCK is the polar opposite to MOVING FORWARD. So maybe it’s a necessary evil that we’re all supposed to experience.

stay calm

Getting back to the elevator:  after reflecting about being stuck for awhile, I saw an eensy crack between the elevator doors. So I used my own arms (and brain) to open up the doors and walk through.

It was kinda anti-climatic, but worked out for me, because I had my excuse for being late AND I felt empowered because I figured out how to move forward.

Obviously  I took the stairs the rest of the way — but first I called the Hospital Control Person to tell her what happened — and to  keep it from happening to someone else.

Now all I need to do is figure out how to get unstuck in my career, but that’s another post. Ahaha!

(what do you do when you’re stuck? please comment!)

Liked that? Check out:

• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer
• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Living By The Code

it'll take more than reading a book

My brain has been stuck on COMPUTERS this week. It started with the news reports about the high-tech-intelligence-gathering-Drone that ended up in Iranian hands, freaking everyone out!

JAMES BOND would know what to do –

What I don’t get is why in this day and age there isn’t a button the CIA can press that makes the Drone self-destruct. I’m certainly not a techie (obv!) but it seems very 007-101 to me.  And even if our team doesn’t want the Drone to explode in someone’s face, can’t they make it melt or something?

I mean — EVERYTHING seems do-able in computers these days… EVERYTHING! Our entire WORLD is computerized — everything except for MY LIFE – which gets me thinking…

What If…

… I could program MY LIFE like a MAC ?

I would -

• FORMAT my career, starting with me starring in a feature, directed by Jason Reitman, written by Diablo Cody!
• ZOOM IN on the best night of my life (before the “until…”)
• ZOOM OUT on the worst (after the “until”).
• INSERT myself into the cast of MODERN FAMILY (hint-hint, Steve Levitan).
• EDIT myself before I say a less-than-witty-thing in an Audition (like the one last month where the Casting Director actually turned RED after I spoke).
• PARENTAL CONTROLS I’d censor myself from some of my impulsive choices —  like doing-the-wrong-thing-in-the-wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time.
• UNDO my mistakes: like the career faux pas that sucked me into hospital hell!
• REBOOT – and get everything back to the way it was…

BUT… if I could control everything, some of the GOOD THINGS that come out of the bad would no longer be possible – like meeting Dr. Crush in a place I’d never go if I’d ever had a choice in the matter.

Maybe what MATTERS is what we make of the moments that don’t go RIGHT.  Sigh…

Oh well, I guess it’s a blessing I can’t channel STEVE JOBS,  ahaha!

(How would you computerize your life if you could?)

Liked that? Check out:

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• Finding our Way (with a little help from our friends)
• APPRECIATION Goes A Long Way

Feelin' it

Life is not exactly according to plan…still…there are so many reasons to say “Thanks!

Hug everything and everyone you have!

I’m THANKFUL that –

Liked that? Check out:

• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer
• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Back to the Grind: VOLUNTEERING IN THE ER

conundrums

On my ER shift, a Little Kid’s freaking out about having to get stitches, so I ask him if he can keep a secret? Uh-huh.

Wanna know our  SECRET CODE WORD ?

Yeah!…
…so I whisper: “Owww!”

Minutes later when  Dr. A dabs numbing cream on his wound, the kid yells, “Owww!” So I SHUSH! him about giving away the CODE WORD and he actually giggles – PLUS I get a “trying-not-to-smile-but-I-can’t-help-it” from Dr. A! So it’s a win/WIN of epic proportions! (My Mom would be so proud!)

Then in Triage, ANTHONY shouts at me for taking too many visitors back to see their Mom (c’mon Chan!) which is sooo frustrating! As I’ve said before — working in the ER is a LOVE|HATE situation!

ER Ambivalence –
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WHATEVER!

LOVE

De-Stressing the stressed (Helps de-stress me too.)

FINDING THE FUNNY + earning a SMILE (Comic timing must be right, otherwise it’s all wrong!)

Appreciation (The “air” volunteers breathe!)

Patient Patients (So rare, I really appreciate them.)

Happy Endings  (NOT the kind you’re thinking of.)

HATE

Walkie Talkies (Talk about “impersonal!”)

Go To Registration FIRST (It says: “Our money is more important than your chest pains!)

Too many cooks (So many experts – So many opinions!)

Too many rules (And they change every week, truth!)

The odors (Code Brown, need I say more?)

Suffering (Can’t think about it…)

Death (No words…)

TOLERATE

Bossy Pants (Sometimes they’re right, sometimes they’re just being a Buttinsky!)

Frequent Flyers (Gotta give it to ‘em, addicts can be pretty creative.)

Pushy Family Members (They’re just scared and feel helpless.)

Impatient Patients (We all feel that way, right?)

(What do you love|hate|tolerate in the ER?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Being Stuck
• Identity Crisis in the ER

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzI1hKz9i9E

Please don’t squash our egos. It makes us feel pretty rotten.

Ahaha!

Liked that? Check out:

• HOT IN CLEVELAND: funny find!
• Hollywood Flip: Staying Focused
• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012

Halloween Holly

October 31^st feels frightening, even if you’ve got a job. BUT… if your next gig is as invisible as a ghost, get CREATIVE!  When the door creeps open, step into the unknown.

Last Thursday I go to a BIRTHDAY DINNER for my firecracker-sports-agent-cousin-Jaimie at that new SBE (Katsuya group) restaurant next to Dan Tana’s: Mercato di Vitro.  As I pull up, I’m relieved to see that Kirsten Dunst’s Prius is even dirtier than mine. I head over to a table covered with family style platters of Artichoke Chips, Hen of the Woods Whatever, Buffalo Mozzarella, Osso Bucco, Primi Pastas…FUN, FATTENING and DELICIOSO!

Unexpected Opportunities for the Unemployed!

During dinner Jaimie starts stressing about not having enough time to get her “Holly Go Lightly” ensemble together before the Soho House Saturday Night Halloween Party. She asks what I’m gonna be –

Your Halloween Stylist!

GETTING THE JOB DONE –

Friday I’m up early and online – printing Audrey pics, searching for her LBD. Luckily The BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S dress is “THE dress” right now, so I find versions at every price from Theory to Bottega Veneta. Thankfully Jaimie is flexible about price ‘cuz she’ll wear this dress to her gazillion business events afterwards.

I start out on 3^rd Street Promenade. First stop: Forever 21 for jewels. The price is right, but the look’s not quite. So I move on to TIARAS at a kiosk, where I get recognized (embarrassing!) Next I go to the Tobacco Shop, but they’ve just sold out of their last cigarette holder (F___!)  I walk a few blocks and snap shots of LITTLE BLACK DRESSES, POINTY PUMPS and DARK SHADES at Fred Segal Santa Monica (knowing Jaimie has back-ups at home). I get into my car and head over to Ursula’s Costumes at Wilshire and 26^{th .} Never ever go to a costume store the day before Halloween weekend. I wait in line outside for twenty minutes, but when I get in I find a gold cigarette holder, yay!

Feeling jewelry-challenged, I go to Wertz Brothers Antique Mall and discover original multi-stranded pearls with rhinestones and the perfect earrings from the 50’s and 60’s. I email pics of the best to Jaimie and she makes her selection.

When I get home, on youtube I find a How-To Do Holly’s Do and send the link to my cousin. Jaimie Is THRILLED with my performance as a STYLIST (even though she doesn’t go for my Burberry Trench idea or borrow her friend Sarah’s cat).

I’m waiting for a debrief on the party (if she’s still sleeping in, it’s a GOOD SIGN.).

Even though I’ll be an ER Volunteer again for this Halloween, I feel less worried about the job situation.

If Acting doesn’t work out, I’ll just be something else next year. Ahaha!

Happy Halloween!

 (what are you gonna be?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012
• Gifts To Put On Your Wish List! (under $100)
• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer

What’s the meaning of MEANIES in our lives? We’ve all got ‘em. What do we do with them?

Mine is Briana the Bitch (the frenemy from hell) a resident in my ER who tells anyone who’ll listen not to trust me because I’m a “Man Eater!” Briana is stuck in the past. She may have a high IQ, but socially she’s still stuck in high school. Move on, girl, it’s 2011. Life doesn’t have to be AWKWARD! for the rest of our lives. Does it?

Today I hear about an even worse MEANIE from “Hottie,” an out-of-work TV Actress whose name I can’t divulge.  Hottie’s long-term Acting Coach, “Pushy” just turned into the DEVIL (the meanest of MEANIES!)

After the boundary-less Pushy’d wormed her way into Hottie’s professional and personal life, acting like her Coach/Mom/BFF/Therapist, she pushed Hottie too far when she told her to break up with her boyfriend.

“ENUFF! Hottie said, ” I’m going to break up with YOU instead!”

So Pushy, like a scorned lover, goes ballistic with 24/7 over-the-top, calls, texts and emails. Hottie blocks her. And Pushy takes it up several notches. She spreads RUMORS throughout the Industry that Hottie’s no longer acting because she had a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN! (F@#k!)

I ask Hottie if she’s gonna sue Pushy or at the very least have some hotshot Entertainment Attorney write a cease-and-desist, but Hottie doesn’t want to fan Pushy’s fire.  Hottie’s Manager says she’ll  “manage the situation.” So Hottie’s gonna take the HIGH ROAD. She’s focusing on being an Awesome Actress and getting LOTS OF WORK so she can prove Pushy wrong!

THE GOSSIP MEANIES IN OUR LIVES

Are they Insensitive or insane?

On medication or should they be?

Narcissistic or Nuts?

IS IT BETTER TO ENGAGE OR IGNORE?

Is their GOSSIP destructive or do others see it as “DRAMA?”

Gossip Meanies mess with our heads, our reputations and our ability to focus on what’s important.  Avoiding the DRAMA might be the best way to deal with these HEARSAY HUSSIES!

People seem turned-off by DRAMA these day, anyway.  TV Dramas are getting cancelled all over the place and COMEDIES are where it’s at.

So let’s all try to FIND THE FUNNY when it comes to the Meanies in our lives. If we can laugh at these LOSERS  the PATHETIC PUSHIES  of the world will lose their POWER!

(What Meanies mess with your life? What do you plan do about it?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Finding our Way (with a little help from our friends)
• APPRECIATION Goes A Long Way
• Programming My LIfe