you can do it!

We all have different styles when it comes to reacting to stress. Some of us have a gut-reaction, which results in an IUR (immediate uncensored response). Others need time to process. There’s not necessarily a good or bad way – whatever our way is, it’s ours.

take it easy!

Like Anthony Chan our Triage Nurse for instance:  One never has to wonder what Anthony is thinking – he can be judge-y, abrupt, off-putting… but you always know where you stand with him. He’s a perfectionist who’s hardest on himself and lots of times his condescending behavior is a result of how much he cares about getting things right. His ability to instantly react makes him great at his job, because in an emergency he’s immediately on it!  He’s very “exacting” so when he needs to take charge, he owns it. But I’ve gotta be honest —  sometimes his  overly-BIG responses to the teeniest issues push me over edge of the gurney!

On the flip side — the opposite reactive-style can irritating as well —  like someone who doesn’t react, or reacts passively –like a certain Doctor I know.  He tends to avoid confrontation by refusing to engage, mainly because he takes time to think things through. He’s good in an emergency in a different way, because he remains calm and doesn’t make the wrong decision. But in a male-female disagreement he’s EXHAUSTING because he tends to check out — like completely. I’m probably just jealous, because by the time he says something, he’s thought it through and says what he wants to say – carefully and thoughtfully. He lets the emotion simmer down and generally becomes more objective in the process.  Sooo annoying! Beyond!!!

To React or Not React — That is the Question!

I’m somewhere in the middle.  If someone is hammering on me I eventually react. I’ve been known to get a little teary and defensive. I rarely yell or raise my voice though. I’m always so worried about what someone will think of me in the end, that I almost always see the other side and realize maybe I could’ve been better.  Some people have a hard time with the words “I’m sorry.” For me “Sorry-sorry” is part of my daily dialogue.

I guess deep down we’re all a little sorry-sorry when we give others a hard time.  It doesn’t make them feel good, but it doesn’t make us feel good either. Even Don Draper feels bad after he barks at Betty or misunderstands Megan.

If only we could stay calm and say what we wished we would’ve said after we’ve played it over in our mind many times after.  Maybe Dr. Crush has the right idea after all. But don’t tell him I said so… ahaha.

(Coming up soon — GIVING SOMEONE THE SILENT TREATMENT… it’s another angle on diffusing the anger and often ends up in laughter. More when I feel like writing more…)

What’s your reactive style? Share in the comments!

Liked that? Check out:

• Being Stuck
• Programming My LIfe
• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer

I highly recommend it

Flirting is fun, free and invigorating. You can do it wherever you are, whenever you feel like it (usually).  It’s an easy smile and a little oomph added to the day. It can be the smallest moment that doesn’t lead to anything, or it can be the beginning of something big. Regardless, it’s what makes an ordinary day a little more interesting and it’s usually not planned —  it just happens organically.

Flirting is Most Interesting When You Least Expect it –

This cute anesthesiologist I’d never seen before — Dr. P — was passing through the ER during my shift last Thursday asking if anyone had scissors. No one did. I offered to help and knocked on Feng the Storekeeper’s door. Feng’s the go-to guy when I need to restock the Triage Coloring Books or find some random thing that’s usually stocked in an ER Room, but missing.  Unfortunately scissors were “on order.”

So I tracked down hottie Dr. P and relayed the bad-scissors-news. Always the helpful Volunteer, I offered to go get mine out of my car. I explained that I always carry around scissors, in case I need a weapon– you know, in case there’s an attack of some kind. That kinda surprised Dr. P (I love surprising guys), so he came back with –

But then I’d feel responsible if something were to happen to you on your way home.

Of course I liked that. Then a minute or so later, the Desk Clerk asked if anyone wanted to go in on the “over 500 million dollar lottery.” I said “I’m in” and so did Dr. P.  So I asked him since I was now going to my car to get my money anyway, didn’t he want me to get the scissors as long as I was there?

I’ll need to check on you, to make sure you make it home safely.

Okay, yeah — good idea and clearly another moment that illustrates the benefits of Volunteering at the hospital…

Well we didn’t win the lottery obvi (apparently no one in California did), but he did ask for my number so I guess that’s a win/win after all. Yes-yes it is-is.

Time will tell. My regular Dr. Crush has been slightly MIA lately, so I’m kinda-sorta open to the kind of FLIRTING that might lead to somewhere.  But, no matter what — the short-lived encounter did remind me why I love to Flirt. It feels good and takes me back to the way I felt in high school when a cute boy noticed me for the first time.

(How about you? Do you like to flirt as much as I do?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages
• Staying Calm vs. Over-Reacting

if you mean it, say it!

Feeling Appreciated –

• motivates us
• moves us
• connects us

When we FEEL APPRECIATED, we want to go the EXTRA STEP; feel that good feeling again. It’s such a HUGE element in just about every relationship and it can make the difference between THINGS WORKING OR NOT.  When we stop feeling appreciated, we feel like giving up—or finding something or someone  else .  Feeling “Taken For Granted” is the BEGINNING OF THE END.

I mean, listen to your friends complaints about almost any relationship… (does this sound familiar?) –

• He doesn’t get me
• She doesn’t appreciate all that I do
• My boss doesn’t know how hard I work
• I never hear what’s right, only what’s wrong.

Relationships (connect or disconnect)

I’m beginning t think that the biggest reason people break up is because we stop feeling like our other half “gets us”. Tyrell, the ER Radiologist can look at an X-ray and see exactly what’s wrong, but when he looks at his wife, he doesn’t get that she’s exhausted and unappreciated. He just sees her as a nag, — when all she wants him to do is appreciate that she’s killing herself to raise two little boys, hold down a part-time job,  take care of their house, stay in shape and be a GOOD WIFE. I keep telling him, she needs to feel like she did when they met – when he couldn’t get enough of her,; say enough cute things to her or smile whenever she walked into the room. Smiling is one of the simplest signals of appreciation, ‘cuz it shows that you’re happy and that maybe someone else in your world has had something to do with that.

Work (motivate or discourage)

The point of Volunteering in the ER is not necessarily so that someone will appreciate me, but I must say, it goes a long way in keeping me there and motivated. When a stressed-out Nurse gives me a hard time, I can’t help but wonder, “what’s the point?” Yesterday I had the opportunity to go up and help a patient I took upstairs to Labor and Delivery and I couldn’t believe the difference in the way the Nurses treated me as a Volunteer. They kept saying how nice it was that I was there and that I was really a big help in calming the anxious Mommy-to-be and I must say I wished that I could volunteer in Labor and Delivery instead of the ER (my patient has a girl, btw.)

Auditioning (nurture or destroy)

Weirdly enough, when I’m in Auditions, the best motivator for me is when the CD’s and producers LAUGH (I mean if it’s comedy, obvi) — but that’s how I know I’m being appreciated and doing my job. I don’t even have to be cast for the role, if I know I did well in the room.  Naturally applause and a call-back are the ultimate motivators (oh, and a paycheck) — but just feeling like someone’s glad I’m there helps… it really does.

Doing well in the room – whether it’s acting, working, loving –

is what makes us want to do more. So if you want to motivate someone, show a little sincere appreciation. Focus on what they’re doing right not wrong. It’ll go a very long way, trust me!

P.S. – I really appreciate you for reading this! Thanks!

Liked that? Check out:

• Finding our Way (with a little help from our friends)
• Programming My LIfe
• GOSSIPS: Fanning the Fire

Now what?

Recently I was rushing to my ER shift (late as usual) and got into the WRONG hospital elevator. Wrong because for my first time ever, it wouldn’t open. Like many, I’d played out this scenario countless times before, wondering how I’d deal with it.

Would I:

• Be Claustrophobic?
• Be Panicky?
• Calm others?

Actually my first thought was:

At least I’ll have a good excuse for being late.

Since there was no one else in there with me, calming others wasn’t necessary. I felt strangely calm myself – maybe because FEELING STUCK is a familiar state for me right now.

I pushed the Emergency Button, got a Hospital operator of some kind who told me help was on the way.  But then help didn’t come quite that fast and instead of hearing a human’s voice, I heard what sounded like a phone disconnect. EEE-ah EE-ah!

DISCONNECTED is kinda like –

Living in Limbo

It happens to all of us, right?

We get stuck

• In our careers
• In our search for true love
• In discovering who we are

Spinning our wheels, but not going anywhere

WHAT IF we’re not supposed to worry about how to get UN-STUCK? Maybe BEING STUCK is a necessary part of life because it forces us to slow down, re-evaluate where we are and where we want to be — plus figure out how we’re gonna get there. Maybe it’s like  YIN/YANG or HAPPY/SAD  where you have to understand one to fully “get” the other. BEING STUCK is the polar opposite to MOVING FORWARD. So maybe it’s a necessary evil that we’re all supposed to experience.

stay calm

Getting back to the elevator:  after reflecting about being stuck for awhile, I saw an eensy crack between the elevator doors. So I used my own arms (and brain) to open up the doors and walk through.

It was kinda anti-climatic, but worked out for me, because I had my excuse for being late AND I felt empowered because I figured out how to move forward.

Obviously  I took the stairs the rest of the way — but first I called the Hospital Control Person to tell her what happened — and to  keep it from happening to someone else.

Now all I need to do is figure out how to get unstuck in my career, but that’s another post. Ahaha!

(what do you do when you’re stuck? please comment!)

Liked that? Check out:

• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer
• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Living By The Code

Inhaling a bunch of BS

Hospital Employees say the craziest things when they think no one’s listening –  in the Halls, in the Elevators, on the Stairs, in the Restrooms, in the Parking Lot — need I go on?

The thing is –

In the Hospital EVERYONE’s Listening!

Can’t use names of course (Hospital Policy) — but there’s no law against using initials. So here’s the first post (of MANY, I’m sure) called: “Doctors Say The Dummest Things.”

Smug Surgeon, Dr. D – (D stands for more than just his name)

Today I drive into the ER Parking Lot, and recognize Dr. D, a good-looking (although he has put on some weight), arrogant A-hole who I (unfortunately) dated before he became God.

Dr. D’s leaning against the wall, entertaining himself by blowing smoke rings (in a Smoke-Free Hospital btw) when he goes: “Well if it isn’t!” (I wish it wasn’t!)  After a couple of “Hi-how’ve-you-been”s (not really caring about the answer) I casually mention my surprise that he’s SMOKING, since he’s now a SURGEON.

He smiles condescendingly –

Oh, it doesn’t matter because now we can cure Cancer!

(Oh really? Tell my Mom)

I couldn’t get out of that Parking Lot fast enough. Talk about blowing smoke…

Liked that? Check out:

• Drama in the ER: Unsolved Mystery
• APPRECIATION Goes A Long Way
• Being Stuck

stay open to possibility

Yesterday I got a DM from a Twitter Follower asking why I didn’t do a “Happy New Year Resolution Post” again this year. Oops! What did I write last year? Feeling brave I took a look at my lofty 2011 goals to DO, BE and GIVE more!

So much easier said than done –

I won’t start with excuses. I really did try. Some things went better than others. You’ll see. Um, maybe we should go in reverse order:

GIVE MORE –

I’d say I’ve earned a B or B+ in Giving, because this is where I’ve made the biggest strides. I clocked sooo many extra hours in the ER as a Volunteer and I really showed up with my best attitude (seriously!) Okay-okay, so for those of you who can see right through me, yes, there’s an advantage to showing up more in the ER when a certain Dr. Crush is around. But still – I’ve really really committed to helping the people I’m supposed to help whether he’s there or not. Swear!

BE MORE –

This one’s rough, because I actually was a Working Actress (today I got The Descendants screener — so there!) but I haven’t worked in over a year (truthfully longer) so I feel like I’ve totally failed in this area. Sadly, in Acting, if you’re not working you feel like a Wannabe, and that’s kind’a where I’ve been residing for awhile… very unfortunately.  So in this department, I’d say I deserve a C-  and not an F because several very supportive Casting Directors are still calling me in. For some unknown reason, they still think I’ve got it (even though I’m afraid I’ve lost it.) I hope they’re better at convincing the Producers than I am. Sigh…

DO MORE –

I’m trying to be all about the DOORS: keeping them open – and walking through Doorways I’ve never walked through before. So I promised a Commercial Director (in my Sunday Yoga Class) that I’ll be in the edgy short he’s writing|directing|producing. Normally I’d be a little leery, because once it’s been shot, you wanna make sure it won’t shoot a hole in your career (what career?!) But I’m gonna keep the faith as I walk through that Doorway. And then there’s this Music Supervisor (a friend of a friend) who’s gonna teach me what he knows, since I’ve always loved music. Maybe I’ll intern for him if Pilot Season doesn’t work out the way I’m hoping.

But speaking of Pilot Season – I’m going to try really hard this year to NOT second-guess my Audition opportunities. If my representation thinks I can be a separated Siamese-Twin-who-becomes-the first-one-armed-Astronaut, I’ll totally commit. If they call me in to play an 18 year-old Coed, I’ll enthusiastically cheer. Or if they want me to be a mother-of-three, I’ll find that instinct. Whatever opportunities come my way, I’m going for them and NOT LOOKING BACK!

Because next year I want to be able to look my Resolutions squarely in the face and go –

Hoo-ah!

 (What resolutions did you follow through on? C’mon be honest now…)

Liked that? Check out:

• Programming My LIfe
• LAUGHTER = Instant Gratification
• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012

confusing emotions

Ever notice when a Emergency Siren BLASTS just as you’re in the middle of a really happy moment (like falling in love, or celebrating something?) I do. It reminds me that JOY and SADNESS happen at the same moment. There’s never a time when all of the people everywhere are happy… or sad. I guess that’s what makes the world work in a weird way.  Unfortunately or fortunately we have to experience each emotion to understand the difference, as a basis of comparison, kind’a like SALTY and SWEET. I mean, even Fairy Tales have tragedy (sadly, Bambi and Cinderella lose their Moms.)

Nightmare Night-Shift –

At the Hospital last night I ended up staying past my ER Shift, way into the morning hours.  Every once in awhile in the ER, you get to know repeat patients and their families. Sure, you recognize Frequent Fliers (there for drugs) or Homeless People (there for food). But I’m talking about Patients who come in for chronic problems, along with their family members who love, worry and support them.

So last night this wonderful Hispanic Family brings in their 70 year-old Abuela (recently-widowed, mother of 13, grandmother of 31) with breathing problems and chest pains. I’ve seen them many times before, due to Abuela’s chronic health issues.

Surrounded by her hard-working and loving family (all became American Citizens btw) Abuela’s MUCH WORSE than usual. She’s weak, sweating, disoriented and gasping for breath. No Triage Nurses are around (strangely) so I rush her through the Trauma Door and suddenly the Charge Nurse grabs her wheelchair, pushes her into into Bed 1, hoists her onto the gurney –

CODE BLUE!
Staff storms in!
Paddles!
Curtain swishes CLOSED!
Frantic NOISE!
Then… NOTHING…
DEAD SILENCE!

Standing there dazed, I barely notice when the Psyche Nurse taps me on the shoulder and asks me to bring the Family into the PEDS WAITING ROOM (aka “The Bad News Room.”)

When there are no words…

Outside the door, I hear painful GASPS and SOBS! I swallow my heart. But stay… and wait… and wait.

When the Psyche Nurse walks out, I walk in. I try to comfort Abuela’s distraught daughters and sons, but what can you really say? NOTHING. You can HUG and LISTEN, but that’s really all you can do in a situation like this. Oh yeah, you also CRY… because it stirs up… MEMORIES…

At 5:30 AM (looking my ugliest) I’m in the elevator on my way to the parking lot, and a Man says, “Evie?” (Oh, It’s the Nice Dad of an old HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND I haven’t seen in years. Usually I’d be bummed, looking so awful, but today I don’t even care.)

Why are you in the hospital, is everything okay?

A proud grin –

_ _ _ _ _ _  (patient confidentiality) just had a baby!  Come see!

So I do…

And that’s what I mean about HAPPY/SAD…

(What Happy/Sad Moments have you experienced this year already? Or ever?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Courage: The Heroes who have it
• Staying Calm vs. Over-Reacting

if only I could affect the future

Last year I tried out a few New Year’s Superstitions (NOT all 20). If nothing else, I had a good laugh.  I opened all of the windows — let the old year escape, danced around a tree, and let my dirty locks flow through the air (oh yeah, I was a sight to behold!)

The Jury’s Still Out –

I have no idea if they worked or not, but things could be a lot worse! I’ve just researched 20 more and figure they’re worth trying. You never know…

WEAR NEW CLOTHES on New Years Day and you’ll get more during the year –
(isabel marant? vanessa bruno? barneys? hope-hope!)

NOISE MAKERS:. Blast the Fireworks, Ring Church Bells — scare away the meanies –
(time to blast Briana!)

MIDNIGHT KISS that person you’ll want to rekiss all year –
(guess I’ll be working the ER night shift…hmmm…)

DRAIN THE BOTTLE and good fortune will come your way –
(a little suggestive, isn’t it?)

JUMP SEVEN WAVES and THROW FLOWERS INTO THE SEA for good luck –
(if you’re not near the ocean, you might have a problem)

SCATTER COINS around the house so money will come your way all year round –
(this seems pretty obvious — just look for it in your house)

HIDE KNIVES in the house for 24 hours so no one will be hurt and the fortune will remain undisturbed –
(sounds like the beginning of a horror flick)

LIGHT UP the house so the coming year will be bright –
(this sounds like something my mom would’ve made up)

WEAR POLKA DOTS – anything round signifies prosperity –
(this might be tough to pull off, unless you’re a clown)

JUMP 12 TIMES at midnight to increase your height –
(maybe do this before you drain the bottle, otherwise things could get messy) 

EAT STICKY RICE, to make good fortune stick in the New Year –
(I love Asian food anyway)

WORK IT OUT: Do a sample of the work you’d like to have loads of in the year –
(I’ll be making a tape to send Jason Reitman!)

FIRST FOOTING: The first person to enter your home after the stroke of midnight will influence the year you’re about to have –
(i’ve got an emergency —  a certain doctor needs to stop by!)

FILL YOUR POCKETS on New Years Eve you will never have an empty pocket in the New Year –
(i need a pocket full of miracles)

WALK YOUR LUGGAGE out of your house and around the block encourages travel in your New Year.
(or travel to the nearest mental facility if anyone notices you doing this)

EAT GREENS and you’ll have lots of green money in the coming year.
(La Scala chopped salad?)

THROW RICE GRAINS at midnight and you’ll have an abundance –
(of what? Rice? Weddings? A mess to clean up?)

Put a GOLD RING in your champagne glass and you’ll have prosperity –
(unless you swallow it — then life will be a lot shorter)

CLIMB A CHAIR 12 times will make you find a boyfriend or girlfriend next year –
(wait.. how do you climb up a chair?)

BE UNDER THE TABLE and WEAR RED UNDERWEAR at midnight and you’ll get married next year –
(I’m not telling you what color underwear I’ll be wearing, but if you’re under the table with me, you might find out! ahaha!)

(What superstitions do you follow on New Year’s Eve?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Staying Calm vs. Over-Reacting
• Being Stuck
• Resolutions Revisited

it'll take more than reading a book

My brain has been stuck on COMPUTERS this week. It started with the news reports about the high-tech-intelligence-gathering-Drone that ended up in Iranian hands, freaking everyone out!

JAMES BOND would know what to do –

What I don’t get is why in this day and age there isn’t a button the CIA can press that makes the Drone self-destruct. I’m certainly not a techie (obv!) but it seems very 007-101 to me.  And even if our team doesn’t want the Drone to explode in someone’s face, can’t they make it melt or something?

I mean — EVERYTHING seems do-able in computers these days… EVERYTHING! Our entire WORLD is computerized — everything except for MY LIFE – which gets me thinking…

What If…

… I could program MY LIFE like a MAC ?

I would -

• FORMAT my career, starting with me starring in a feature, directed by Jason Reitman, written by Diablo Cody!
• ZOOM IN on the best night of my life (before the “until…”)
• ZOOM OUT on the worst (after the “until”).
• INSERT myself into the cast of MODERN FAMILY (hint-hint, Steve Levitan).
• EDIT myself before I say a less-than-witty-thing in an Audition (like the one last month where the Casting Director actually turned RED after I spoke).
• PARENTAL CONTROLS I’d censor myself from some of my impulsive choices —  like doing-the-wrong-thing-in-the-wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time.
• UNDO my mistakes: like the career faux pas that sucked me into hospital hell!
• REBOOT – and get everything back to the way it was…

BUT… if I could control everything, some of the GOOD THINGS that come out of the bad would no longer be possible – like meeting Dr. Crush in a place I’d never go if I’d ever had a choice in the matter.

Maybe what MATTERS is what we make of the moments that don’t go RIGHT.  Sigh…

Oh well, I guess it’s a blessing I can’t channel STEVE JOBS,  ahaha!

(How would you computerize your life if you could?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Resolutions Revisited
• Finding our Way (with a little help from our friends)
• APPRECIATION Goes A Long Way

Feelin' it

Life is not exactly according to plan…still…there are so many reasons to say “Thanks!

Hug everything and everyone you have!

I’m THANKFUL that –

Liked that? Check out:

• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer
• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Back to the Grind: VOLUNTEERING IN THE ER