anatomy lessons

I couldn’t write about this till now, because it freaked me out so much when it happened. Even now I think about it every time I sit down to eat.

It starts out like a typical ER Saturday Afternoon Shift

• nightmare waiting room
• all beds are filled
• labs are piling up

In Trauma, Bed 8, this pretty New York Model (you know I can’t say who) is really having a tough time of it. She’s been there for 14 hours with what she thinks is Acid Reflux (because she can’t keep anything down, not even a sip of water). She’s all nervous, because she’s got a wardrobe fitting scheduled in a few hours for a huge commercial, due to shoot Monday.

By the time I get there, Dr. A is realizing:

It’s NOT gonna be a quick fix after all.

The medicine won’t stay down and the morphine drip is doing nothing for the pain.

Apparently Dr. A really tried to get her “in and out” so she wouldn’t miss her fitting, but now hours later, things aren’t looking good. I tell her I’ll call the Wardrobe Department and explain that she’s in the ER. But she’s all worried it’ll sound like she’s Lindsay or Paris (which I totally get). So I  tell her I’ll be her “Mom” and say she’s in some tests that are taking longer than expected.

When I get back from making the call, Dr. A tells me she’s getting a GI scan because even though it’s really rare that someone wouldn’t know she has food stuck, there’s a small chance that she does. So he ordered the test, just to be safe.  I tell him I’ll go keep her company and he says–

That’s really sweet.
(ahhhh, he’s noticing…)

I walk in just as the young COCKY Radiologist is telling her it’s ridiculous that she’s going through this test, that Dr. A’s overreacting and that the test will be really uncomfortable. Nice right? Like she really needs to hear that. So I go out in the hallway when they do the radiation part and when I come back in, the Radiologist is caught with his tale between his legs –

OMG!  Right there on the X-Ray screen is an obstruction in the Model’s esophagus, blocking the opening to the stomach.

The Model and I totally bond at this moment. After all we’re both crushing on the Awesome Dr. A. Plus we both agree that the Radiologist is an Asshole!

By now, my shift is over, but no way am I leaving her to go to her Emergency Endoscopy alone. She needs me!  She’s here alone on business and her family is three thousand miles away!

So I go hang with her in pre-op and I wait for her to get through the procedure and I stay with her in Recovery till I know she’s going to be fine.

Listen to this — the obstruction in her esophagus was a:

BIG BITE OF STEAK that got stuck on the way down!
Freaky right? It could happen to any of us. Yikes!

Luckily she  got to go to the rescheduled fitting on Sunday (thanks to my excellent acting) and she got to shoot the commercial Monday as planned. After she got back to New York, she sent me flowers with the sweetest note.

If either of us is ever brave enough to go into a Steak House, I’m pretty positive we’ll think of each other when when we do.
No matter what, I’m sure we’ll be chewing our food, really well. Obvi.

Ever had anything like this happen to you? Know anyone who has? Share in the comments.

Liked that? Check out:

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• ER Volunteer “Floater”
• Hospital Heartthrobs: Mixed Messages

judg-y voice = headache

OMG! Did the Horoscopian Astrologer at the L.A. Times read my post FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS ? I think maybe this was written specifically to me:

Pisces (Feb.19-March 20):

The judge inside your head is keeping you from being as free and expressive as you really want to be.”

Weird, right?

Did you check your horoscope today?

Liked that? Check out:

• Casting Directors: Feedback
• Follow Your Instincts
• Making Wishes: 26 Ways

make a choice and own it!

Are you in a CREATIVE profession? Are there TOO MANY VOICES in your head? How do you know who’s right and who’s wrong?

Trouble is you don’t. Why? Because–

Creative Expression is SUBJECTIVE.

Some people “get you” and some people don’t.
Actors, Writers, Musicians, Directors and Stand-up Comics–
have highs and lows depending on how well their–

• last film did at box office -
• their last TV show placed in the Nielsen Ratings -
• their last gig…

Whatever IT was, IT became the new measurement on the — STARMETER OF LIFE.

PRESSURE? You bet! Especially when there are SO many effing cooks on every creative project.

Chances are if you’re good at what you do and you’re making money at it, there are moments when your Confidence is MIA!

One of the worst things we can do when we suffer from “Insecurititis” (ultra contagious, especially for Actors) is to ask too many people for their OPINIONS.

Go ahead, ask ten people to tell you their favorite film, TV show, song, artist or play and odds are you’ll get different answers. It all depends on taste. Some people think gross-out comedy is the be-all-end-all, but some people are repelled by it. Romantics love romcoms, but others find them more torturous than a horror movie. Speaking of horror movies, I don’t care how well they do, when my agent tries to get me to audition for one, I pass.  It’s wayyy to scary to put myself in that world!

I’ve learned to listen to my own voice. Especially when other people’s opinions are different from each other’s.

Acting Classes and Acting Coaches are great,

but too many at the same time can be confusing. I’ve picked the one coach who gets me and who I get. We both have the same goal (which is for me to get a job STAT!) And I’m keeping her a secret for obvious reasons (starting with my “insecurititis” ahaha!)

Everyone has an opinion, but that doesn’t mean he|she should give advice. When my agent Josh starts talking to me about what I should wear in an audition, I look at what he wears and what I wear and I say to myself,

Um Evie — trust your own instincts.

In the end you need to listen to your own voice, right?  Otherwise you’ll be blaming everyone else for the wrong choices they made for you. And that’s NOT funny.

When did you last trust your instincts? Happy with the results?

What about when you didn’t? How’d that work out for you?

(share in the comments)

Liked that? Check out:

• Funny Thought of the Day: Feeling Judged
• HOT IN CLEVELAND: funny find!
• Casting Directors: Feedback

connected or disconnected?

I should really feel popular right now.

I’ve got:

• Blog followers
• Twitter followers
• Blip.fm music buds
• youtubers
• 20.sb pals
• over 1,600 Facebook fans

But, no matter how plugged in I am, the phone never rings…

Am I just the sum of my likes and comments?

Why with all this connecting do I feel less connected?

Do you miss the days when you could tell someone something and it wouldn’t be blasted all over the Internet? I do. It was called a Secret.

It’s weird that we’re getting used to limiting our thoughts to 140 characters, right? We could all go a little deeper and say a lot more. Or are we afraid Attention Spans have gotten too short and no one will listen? (Wait– are you listening? Exactly!)

When was the last time you received a hand-written letter? Can’t remember can you? So sad.

What if LOVE LETTERS become extinct?

What will we save in our attics? Thumb drives?

Does “Social” Media really make us social-able, or does it disable us socially?

Remember…. Intimacy?

POOF! Right?

I’m gonna go write Niles a real letter. He just lost his boyfriend and can use some Evie love… (Wait– how much postage does it take for a letter these days? I just realized I have no idea.)

Does Social Media make you feel more connected or less? Lemme know in the comments. Thx!

Liked that? Check out:

• Quality: Trying to hold on…
• Vids & Webisodes: My Faves
• Making Wishes: 26 Ways

Liked that? Check out:

• “Social” Media?
• Silent Running*
• Urgent Care in the ER

Identity Crisis

Yesterday  when I was walking back to my car from the two hour spin/pilates portion of my day, a Hollywood tour bus passed me and the guide said into the microphone: “And here on our right is Paris Hilton.”

I turned to my left and smiled (I might’ve even laughed!) –

And witnessed a bus full of tourists spin from–

Oh my God is it her?!

– to laughing because it was a pretty good joke.

I have to say the most ridiculous part is that deep down I was actually pleased that people could’ve mistaken me for her from afar.

I mean, clearly I’m in my –

post-stomach-flu-skinny phase –

(Didn’t write about it, ‘cuz I didn’t want to gross you out.)

For once a Paris comparison doesn’t bother me at all! ‘Specially if it’s from behind when I’m in my gym leggings.

Totally made my day. But forget that I ever told this story. I’m not proud.

Hey — know what would really really really–

MAKE MY DAY?

When Paris is walking and the Hollywood tour bus goes by and the guide says into the microphone –

And here to our right is EVIE STEWART!

Ahahaha!

(Who have you been mistaken for? Tell in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Film Faves: Currently Speaking
• Hollywood Flip: Staying Focused
• Vids & Webisodes: My Faves

what are you tempted to try?

Searching for AWESOMENESS?

Be AWESOME!

Not just today -

EVERY DAY!

Want a change?

Mix things up.

Need more passion?
(Put your heart in it!)

Want more glitter?
(Sparkle plenty!)

Can’t hear the music?
(Sing soulfully!)

Feeling off?
(Find your rhythm!)

Out of touch?
(Help anyone!)

A different perspective?
(Wear rosey shades!)

World too discombulated?
(Feng Shui your life!)

(How will you mix things up to get that change you want? Share in the comments)

Liked that? Check out:

• Funny Thought of the Day: Feeling Judged
• Follow Your Instincts
• Making Wishes: 26 Ways

Why do we feel safe with KNOWNS when there’s often greater possibility with UNKNOWNS?

“Conundrumly-speaking,” why is it human nature to–

distrust CHANGE?

Working in the ER is a little like working in Washington -

• There are too many chiefs.
• So many things go wrong.
• Customer satisfaction isn’t the best.

I was all prepared to totally rag on Saturday morning’s Annual Volunteer Meeting. I started taking blog-notes ready to catch any embarrassment that might occur.

These meetings are dreaded by most Volunteers because the changes that are announced usually make things harder on us to do our jobs. Instead of being Volunteers who help people, we become mini Policemen (like we can’t take visitors to certain areas, even if the patients are really scared and want someone they know with them.  Whaaa…  that’s not fair!)

Charlayne starts it out with her typical overboard positive passionate pep talk (her favorite book is the “Magic of Believing”) and ends with:

The doctors and nurses tell me how grateful they are that you’re here, even though they don’t interact with y’all as much as you’d like.

(There’s one in particular I’d like to um, interact with more. Oh yeah!)

So that’s Charlayne’s set-up to the CHANGES — the real point of the meeting.

But surprisingly (Monday morning is always filled with inspiration) the new changes sound like they’re gonna actually benefit the patients and their families.

Now we can –

• Offer blankets and pillows to anyone in the waiting area.
• Take two visitors back to see patients.
• Answer family members’ questions instead of pretending like we don’t know.

And you want to know what’s weird? The Volunteers started bitching about how the new changes won’t work. Like:

Now there’ll be dirty blankets and pillows ALL over triage.

Why do we resist even GOOD CHANGES?
What is it that makes what we know better than what we don’t know?

I for one am glad we’re allowed to bring blankets to patients in the waiting room. Now I won’t have to sneak them in like I did before. Ahaha!

(Why are we so afraid of change? What changes scare you? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• ER Volunteer “Floater”
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma

Okay, so it’s another Monday morning and since I don’t have an Acting job right now (or any job, sadly) I just called Charlayne and told her I’d be okay with “volunteering” to be a “Floater.” A Floater is someone who gets called in when a regular Volunteer has something going on in his/her life and since I don’t have much going on –

I’ll Float For Now –

When I can–

Till things pick up –

Which’ll hopefully be soon.

I’m already having second thoughts though–

Apparently now I have to go to the Annual Volunteer Meeting. Noooo! Next Saturday morning! (Good Times, right?)

ALL the Volunteers on ALL the ER shifts get forced to go and apparently some people use it as a suck-up session (like those kids in school who drove us all nuts) or a venting session, so it can go on and on (ugh!)

Supposedly at the meeting Charlayne will tell us all the new rules. What for? Hospital rules always change, so why give up several hours on a weekend to find out the latest rules that’ll probably change before the next weekend? Don’t get me started on rules for Volunteers. I mean, they want us to help people, but they keep coming up with rules that make it impossible to help people.

But fine – I’ll try to be open and non-judgmental (ha!) until I, at least experience one of these meetings myself. Maybe there’ll be some cute boys there, although I seriously doubt it.

Volunteers tend to be pretty much limited to:

• Med students, who need  the hours,
• Nursing students, who need the hours.
• Empty-nesters whose kids have left for college.
• Oldies (with brains and bodies that still work) looking for purpose.

Don’t get me wrong, there are rewards to volunteering in the hospital like SUPER CUTE DOCTORS (one in particular) and FRIENDS like Mira and Tyrell who make even the most stressful shifts tolerable and GRATEFUL PATIENTS who tell me I’m an “Angel”  (LUV when that happens). I mean, I wouldn’t sign up to be a Floater if there wasn’t some feeling of satisfaction.

Still, I wish I could skip the meeting…

(What do you wish you could skip this week? Share in the comments.)

Liked that? Check out:

• Urgent Care in the ER
• Feeling Safe: Knowns vs Unknowns
• ER: CODE RED – Diet Karma

www.youtube.com/watch?v=M948pizKuxk

Certain oldie-but-goody-vids still make me cry like Susan Boyle showing the world that what’s inside is more important than what’s outside and the “all time” best wedding dance vid “JK Wedding Dance” (which totally makes me want to plan my wedding even though at the moment I don’t have a groom in mind.)

Whenever I need to smile I just watch the “Chest Bump Montage”, which appeals to my inner-goof and I can’t explain why I think “Idiots” is so funny, I just do.

The entire “Mr. Old Spice” campaign totally rocks (not only for me, but for gazillions of others – Who knew?) I just can’t believe I got into it at the end of the campaign, because I have so many questions I’d like to ask Isaiah Mustafa (oh yeah!)

I’m just now introducing myself to webisodes (um, nice to meet you, even though I think people who make and watch these probably are a little psycho — in a good way of course.)

Look, I’m the first to admit I’m new to this world but now I finally have time to watch — (a benefit of being unemployed.)

Part of what’s amazing to me is the talent that’s shows up in these whack-isodes on My Damn Channel and FunnyorDie (Megan Mullally, Zoe Saldana, Elizabeth Banks, Kate Bosworth, Paul Rudd, Rashida Jones, Topher Grace…)

I think “Children’s Hospital” is totally out there, but I’d be very happy to step in for Malin Akerman when she’s making some mega movie, because actually now I have hands-on experience in the medical field and Malin and I are EXACTLY the same type (hint hint Rob Corddry!)

What = Funny is SO relative, right?

Personally I’m not into raunch, although I know many are.

I like --

• a “little” suggestive
• romantic embarrassment
• finding the funny when it comes to the heart

That’s why MY Best Web Series Award would go to— “WAINY DAYS“, obvi!

(Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks it’s great, because David Wain got the 2010 Streamy Award for “Best writing in a comedy series.”) “WAINY DAYS” has so many amazing webisodes from #1 – “Shelly” to the current #32 Donna--  there’s just so much to love while laughing.

And a word about Megan Mullally — I just luv, luv, luv her – whether she’s on the recently canceled “PARTY DOWN” or playing the “ER” Kerry Weaveresque Chief on “Children’s Hospital” or as Donna on “Wainy Days” she’s just SOOOOO good. I’ll take her “Own Special Blend” of comedy any day of the week.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aukH24thCOY

(What vids and webisodes do you find funny? Share in the comments!)

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