bad hair day?

1. Is your HAIR a HORROR STORY?
2. No matter how hard you try to style it like the stylists, do you end up with FRIZZ? 
3. Do you have MORE IMPORTANT THINGS to focus on than the mirror?

DON’T BLOW IT!

You’ll never ever need to blow a job interview, first date or audition again.

DRY BAR is your answer!

For just $35.00 + tip you can look PRETTY, POLISHED and PROFESSIONAL for that all important anything.  And you can prep for that MEETING or CALL-BACK while someone else is washing your hair — or just mellow-out over a Mimosa!

Started by an on-the-go Brentwood mom three years ago, Dry Bars are popping up all over the country from California to New York. Everything about the process is EASY and FUN– from making an appointment online to walking out the door feeling fab.

I can’t wait to go back!

Trust me, you’ll love it!

who knew?

Forget Acting!

I should be a PSYCHIC!

All of my Comedy Pilot Predictions came true!  Too bad I can’t predict what’s gonna happen in my own “career”, Ugh!

Congrats to all behind the shows that were picked up!  Can’t wait for you to come back from the Upfronts, so we can MOVE ON to–

RECASTING!

Hint-hint!

This is the first Pilot Season where I’m just not invested.  Trying to figure out why.  More and more, it feels like the business side is overruling the creative side with FORMULAS being the FOCUS and that depresses me. It’s all about WHO THE NETWORKS WANT TO BE IN BUSINESS WITH – big name directors, big name talent. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but the emphasis on big name talent has changed Pilot Season for Actors like me. There are fewer and fewer opportunities if your name isn’t big.

BIG UGH!

And with all of the second-guessing and recasting, it’s even more stressful and exhausting. That’s part of it, but things just haven’t seemed the same since they stopped printing DAILY VARIETY. I miss my hard copies! I miss reading them leisurely over lattes and I miss caring about any of it!

I’m thinking about getting into MUSIC or FASHION or PHOTOGRAPHY – anything other than Acting, because living from one Pilot Season to the next SUCKS!

but while we’re on the subject… COMEDIES IN CONTENTION include:

SUPER FUN NIGHT (ABC) isn’t quite where they want it to be, but they don’t want to lose Rebel Wilson (because face it, we all like to root for her), so it still has a fighting chance.

ABOUT A BOY (NBC) has so much going for it, I don’t see how it can miss. Jason Katims can do no wrong in my book and I love-love-love David Walton (Bent, New Girl). Add Minnie Driver in the Toni Colette role, Jon Favreau as the Director and need I go on?

THE CRAZY ONES (CBS) might be Robin Williams next Mork and Sara Michelle Gellar’s next Buffy. It’s by creator/producer David E. Kelley (Ally McBeal, Boston Legal) with one of my favorite comedians, Hamish Linklater (Old Christine). Hearing good things.

UNTITLED MIKE SCHUR COP COMEDY (FOX) with one of my favorite SNLers Andy Samburg, plus Andre Braugher, Joe Lo Truglio and Terry Crews is from the creators of Parks and Recreation, Michael Schur and Dan Goor.  It’s getting good buzz.

Chuck Lorre’s MOM (CBS) is as close to a sure thing as it gets. Bill Lawrence’s UNDATEABLE (NBC) is looking good and Greg Garcia has two shows in the race, with the multi-cam looking stronger.

DOWNHILL after the UPFRONTS –

Even if these shows manage to get picked up and highlighted at the UPFRONTS, they still have an uphill battle, because shows are given about a 3 episode chance before they go POOF! NEXT!

Why did I ever think becoming an ACTOR was a good idea?

Time to go to YOGA. Maybe I’ll become a YOGA INSTRUCTOR.

Kill me now!!!

good advice!

• Smell the roses
• Watch the sunset
• Sing in the car
• Dance every chance
• Meet new people
• Delete the drama
• Make fewer mistakes
• Take bigger risks
• Make something happen
• Create Plan B
• Rock someone’s world
• Let someone in
• Learn a new skill
• Live in the present
• Create a new career
• Learn from everything
• Stay calm
• Keep Trying
• Find the funny
• Live, laugh and love…

CAUTION: Psycho Janitor!

Working at a HOSPITAL is like working at STRESS CENTRAL. Everyone’s “on edge.”

• Going through an uncomfortable procedure is stressful.
• Removing your clothes for a stranger is stressful.
• Waiting for test results is stressful.
• Visiting someone you love who is in pain is stressful.
• Going through labor (and the next 18 years) is stressful.
• Working a 12 hour shift is stressful.
• Receiving your hospital bill is stressful.

I totally get it, but—

I still have no idea why a member of the Janitorial Staff completely went off on me yesterday.

I’d just finished with my ER shift and decided at the last minute to stop in the restroom on the Street Level.  At the entrance of the Ladies’ Room, there was one of those yellow “Caution Wet Floor” signs.  And at the entrance of the Men’s Room next to it, there was a Cleaning Cart blocking anyone from walking in or out. I assumed that the Ladies’ Room had been cleaned already (hence the “caution” about the “wet floor”) and I assumed that the Janitor was in the Men’s room where the cart was.

Never ever ever ASSUME!

So moments later I’m sitting on the toilet minding my own business, when I hear this deep scary LOUD MAN’S VOICE bellowing through the Ladies’ Room:

NO-NO-NO-NO! You CAN’T be in there! It ain’t cool! It ain’t right!

It took me a sec to figure out who the hell he was talking to and then I realized he was talking to me.

Not knowing exactly what to do in this situation (it was a very inconvenient time for me to be having a conversation with a stranger),  I called out –

Sorry, I didn’t know.

This just made him angrier and louder –

 YOU GOT NO RESPECT!

Respect? What about me? I could’ve been some big deal HOSPITAL DONOR!  The Hospital Staff is supposed to make “Customers” feel “WELCOME.” I did NOT feel welcome!

Doctors are Under Stress, Nurses are Stress — Apparently JANITORS are under STRESS too!

I flushed, washed and fled as fast as I could. As I bolted, I didn’t see the Janitor (thankfully).  I only saw another girl enter and roll her eyes in solidarity with me.

So my advice is,  if you’re not good with stress, stay away from HOSPITALS.  Because there’s no relief even when you’re relieving yourself.

The HOSPITAL is a F-ing scary place!

Why the rush to recast?

What the F@#K is going on with the daily RECASTS? It’s outta control! Apparently no one’s safe — even if your name is BIG. Execs who rushed to pull the trigger early can’t stop rethinking, reloading and making nervous ACTORS nervous-er!

TABLE READS = TROUBLE

NBC Comedy Pilot ‘Holding Patterns’ Recasts Role

Jane Adams Exits NBC’s Craig Robinson Pilot 

Christina Ricci Exits NBC Pilot ‘Girlfriend In A Coma’

Mercedes Masohn Exits ABC Pilot ‘Mixology’

It’s like getting the WORST FEEDBACK ever!!!

“Rising recasts” started last year, but now I feel like things are escalating. Blame it on TECHNOLOGY or JOB INSECURITY or the change from TESTING TO TAPING, or the rush to sign a BIG NAME without knowing if he or she is really right for the project. Not sure of the cause, but whatever…

…it’s ANNOYING for Actors!

Used to be that when we were cast in a PILOT, we’d have a few months of living in the world of fantasy and possibility because most recasts happened after the Upfronts. Now —  almost as soon as we tell friends and family “I got it!” we’ve gotta turn around and break the bad news.

If you’re super lucky, like Majandra Delfino or Mandy Moore you book another pilot before it’s too late. But… they’re the exception.

Most Actors have to wait till next Pilot Season when it all starts again.
Kill me now!

if only…

Call it what you want – “SOULMATE”, “OTHER HALF”, “PERFECT PERSON” – we’re all looking, but we’re not all finding. Or — maybe we have found… WAIT! How do you know if the One is THE ONE? 

Like a certain Doctor who keeps messing with my mind…

Is he what I’m looking for? Am I that for him? Am I the yin to his yang? The vice to his versa? The Tiffany to his Pat?

(On another ER Break )
Conversing in the Cafeteria –

He gives me A LOOK after I taste his yummy muffin and spill a few crumbs –

ME
Messy really messes with you, huh?

DR. ADAM
It’s nice when the food stays on the plate.

ME
Yeah nice. Everyone thought Brad would’ve been “nicer” staying on Jen’s plate, but he would’ve missed out on the Angelina-plate.
I’ll always take passion over proper, even if it’s messy; give me Ryan Gosling in “Blue Valentine” anytime.

DR. ADAM
So you want a messy, Valentine-giving guy? That’s your idea of—

ME
What’s your idea? Someone “nice and safe” would be perfect?

DR. ADAM
I don’t want “perfect”

ME
Of course not, just perfectly good.

DR. ADAM
Plus a little bad isn’t too bad.

ME
Like Tim Riggins in “Friday Night Lights”, bad but so good.

DR. ADAM
No, not like anyone named Tim, thank you.

ME
But the right person—

DR. ADAM
But the right person—

ME
…makes your pulse race, like a car chase.

DR. ADAM
But feels like you’re coming home

ME
Hot, but protective, Dr. Doug Ross-style.

DR. ADAM
Smart, but not a know-it-all

ME
–with big dreams—

DR. ADAM
–with big appetites—

ME
And Steve Carell’s sense of humor—

DR. ADAM
–who can laugh at herself

ME|
An unlikely romantic lead—

DR. ADAM
Who really gets me—

ME
Like the Love-Actually-guy-with-the-sign, “To Me You Are Perfect”

DR. ADAM
Not just the idea of me.

How do you know when you’re excited about someone or the idea of that someone? I do think it’s about “getting” each other — yeah, that’s it: being “gotten”. And I kinda love what he said about “coming home” — don’t you? 

Man, I’m starving! Ahaha!

]]> http://eviestewartsfunnybone.com/true-love-not/finding-my-perfect-person/feed/ 0 http://eviestewartsfunnybone.com/life-in-the-er/desensitized-are-we-afraid-to-feel/ http://eviestewartsfunnybone.com/life-in-the-er/desensitized-are-we-afraid-to-feel/#comments Sun, 24 Feb 2013 02:38:29 +0000 Evie... hot links]]> http://eviestewartsfunnybone.com/?p=10424

Sorry, Mom — not feeling so optimistic right now.

Volunteering in the ER isn’t that hard most of the time. Though we help patients in stressful moments of need, we usually send them home with a fix or admit them upstairs for tests or rush them to the OR — and then move-on, “Next!” But every now and then I get sucked into the depth of someone’s despair and like quicksand it consumes me. The more experienced Volunteers, Doctors and Nurses appear to be affected the least. I guess that’s how they get through it.

TOLERATING TRAGEDY

I feel like our nation is experiencing an epidemic of “Desensitizeditis!”

Daily we hear about another random act of violence, often involving a gun and a possibly-bullied, off-balanced human who may or may not play video games, who watches a lot of violent movies and thinks it’s cool to go down in history as a cover story in People. No guilt or sadness over creating chaos and cruelty. No fear of repercussion. Just the overwhelming desire to do something devastating and LOUD. One last chance to be heard.

We as a society hear about it, read about it, Tweet about it —  and then move-on, “Next!” Meanwhile innocent people lose their lives. Family members and friends will never ever be the same. Civilization continues to sink. Maybe we can’t bear to focus on our own loss of safety and wellbeing. FEELING POWERLESS is not a good feeling.

Just locally, in the last week we had the 20 year-old video gamer shooting random people in Orange County; the week before, we were bombarded with the manhunt for Christopher Dorner, the disgruntled homicidal policeman. Then of course there are the heinous executions at schools, movie theatres, places of work, in addition to the countless copycat crazies,  stimulated every time a news story is publicized. And I’m not even talking about out-of-the-country horror stories. That’s a whole other level of hideousness.

What happened to HUMANITY?

Why? What has made life so expendable? Why is the desire to create havoc stronger than the fear of being caught or stopped or killed?
What happened to—

• Respect for life?
• Fear of authority?
• Disappointing parents?
• Caring for our fellow man?

I hate guns and all kinds of weapons but the situation is caused by way more than weapons, because many of these hopeless humans probably weren’t born that way. Easy access makes it much too easy, but that’s far from the whole story.

How can we–

• BRING BACK HUMANITY?
• OFFER HOPE to the Hopeless?
• ELIMINATE cruelty?

Sorry to be Debby Downer, but I don’t have the answers —  just tough questions and now I’m running late for my next shift (my glamorous Oscar weekend activity) where I’m supposed to go help people get through it. UGH!

(What are your thoughts on the subject? Feel free to vent in the comments.)

No need to consult my CRYSTAL BALL about Valentine’s Day. I’ll be getting countless contradictory verbal and nonverbal romantic riddles from Dr. Adam — same as last year, only more of ‘em.

It’s exhausting trying to figure out how he can sound closed-off, as he stands ultra-close. I’m not talking about some of the time, I’m talking about all of the time. And no, I’m not imagining it! He actually leans into my body when he says, “Do me a favor and get some ice.” – (No it’s not for our chilled drinks, it’s for an icebag for a patient!)

He’s a perfectly proper Physician whenever anyone’s around in the ER, but then very flirty when no one’s watching.  So does he or doesn’t he: Like me? Love me? Get me? Need me? Want me? Hey, I don’t even know if I want him – unless I get to pick the version I want.

Flirtatious Flashback –

Dr. Crush and I are in the hospital cafeteria in the middle of the night when it’s practically empty. He makes us go to a table in the way-way-way back, but for once we do have a real conversation where he reveals a little (uhm no, I’m not going tell you what he reveals, because if it gets back that I’m blabbing he’ll never reveal anything again—not that he’d ever look at a blog or even know what one is – but still I need to be careful what I write. You get that, right?)

But here’s an example of how things tend to go –

DR. ADAM
I’ve learned my lesson. There’s a time and a place –  for most of us. I wasn’t always as conservative as I look.

ME
And I’ve never been as wild as you think. You know, it’s part of my “image.”

DR. ADAM
Good acting.

ME
And that’s all you see? Because I don’t think I’m wild, as much as playful. I like to make people smile. Don’t you like to smile, Dr. Adam?

DR. ADAM
As much as the next guy, trust me. It’s just that… right now… I’m  playing it nice and safe.

ME
I could never be with someone whose idea of “play” is “nice and safe.”

DR. ADAM
I could never be with someone who needs a 12-step program for Impulse Control.

ME
So… I guess that makes us…

DR. ADAM / ME
(at the same time)
Friends!

Then on “Friends” my foot accidentally touches his calf and neither of us move an inch, for like an eternity — so what does that mean?
What does it all mean? Nothing? Something? Everything?

Yep, I know what I’m getting this February 14^th! Ugh!

When you’re not in a RELATIONSHIP, or you’re frustrated with the one you think is “The One,” or you’ve just started seeing someone and don’t want to seem too “psycho” — yet,  you have a different take on Valentine’s Day. So here’s a Soundtrack with a slightly off-beat February 14th vibe, to listen to whether you’re really feeling it or not,  xo!

Slightly Cynical Valentine’s Song List

1. Angels (Deejay Theory Mommbahsould remix) by The XX
2. Pink Matter Remix ft. Andre 3000 by Frank Ocean
3. Wen Uuu- Shlohmo
4. Wrap Me Up by Jhene Aiko
5. Can’t Wait to Hate You (Mariah Carey Demo) (Jerome LOL Edit)- The Drea
6. Your Love- Aluna George
7. Fly Ass Pisces by Cocaine 80′s
8. It’s Too Late (Snakehips Remix)- Wild Belle
9. I Belong in your Arms- Chairlift
10. Better Off- Haim
11. Adorn (DJ Tedsmooth Remix Feat. Diddy & French Montana)- Miguel
12. When I See You- Magic Touch & Sapphire Slows
13. Barefoot (Walk on Love)- Smokey Robotic
14. Losing You – Solange
15. Valentine (Blood Diamonds R&B Fantasy)- Dear Prudence
16. 773 Love (Ryan Hemsworth’s Squaresoft Bootleg)- Jeremih
17. Kiss You Forever- Poolside
18. Diamonds and Girls Ft. K-Young- Fashawn
19. Alone feat. Blu- L’Orange
20. Ex-Girls feat. Young Roddy- Curren$y
21. All Your Gold- Bat For Lashes
22. & It Was You- How To Dress Well

music on website