Check out Ken Levine's Assessment: http://bit.ly/xV5Xfx

ACTORS! We’re insecure and yet we gravitate to the most insecure industry of all. Crazy!  And there’s so much to stress about  –

Aging | Looks | Relationships | Who’s Hot when you’re NOT | Keeping our Cool | Staying in the Mix | Timing.

PILOT SEASON: The ULTIMATE Test!

Well, here we are again at the beginning of Pilot Season. And this one is getting off to a slightly late start because Networks are still picking up Pilots… every day (and it’s almost February!) Nine Pilots were announced Friday! Half-hour Comedies are especially late — and I predict we’ll hear about a lot more pick-ups in the next couple of weeks, now that Comedies are back in a BIG-RATINGS-WAY.

I like to stay on top of what’s happening because it gives me something to discuss with my Agent before it’s too late.

PILOT PICK UPS – STAYING IN THE KNOW:

TV Tracker
It’s awesome! Expensive, but AWESOME, I subscribe to the daily alerts so I know when a Pilot has been picked up. I get an email alert with the logline, network, writer, producers and director for each project.

Deadline | Hollywood
They send out the emails for FREE, but they don’t contain all of the info in a concise way. Still, FREE is a big PLUS!

Futon Critic
You can go to the site to get the news releases.  But, I miss the old Futon Critic where they’d have Development Season Info by Network. I guess that’s a thing of the past.

To Know or Not To Know –

I love knowing that Great Minds I really respect (and would give anything to work with) like Jason Katims, Dick Wolf, David Kelley, Ryan Murphy, Greg Malins, Greg Berlanti, Kari Lizer and others are creating new shows that haven’t been cast yet — and that all of the Networks and Cable stations are looking for TALENT.

Look my way — please — I’m over here!

Some Actors stress about knowing. I can horriblize with the best of ‘em — TRUST ME —  but I actually like to know — especially at the beginning of Pilot Season because Opportunities give me hope – and I’m really big on HOPE!

I’m hoping to FIND THE FUNNY in front of a live Audience that laughs hysterically for 22 episodes… and then the HIT Series will be picked up again next year and the year after and the year after that… (and then I won’t have to go through Pilot Season again! ahahaha!)

F I N G E R S      C R O S S E D !

Liked that? Check out:

• HOT IN CLEVELAND: funny find!
• Resolutions Revisited
• INFOLIST: Oh, the possibilities…

kill me now

They say — “Timing is everything” but when is it gonna to be my time? The right time? Time to cash a paycheck?  Booking a job is like an oasis – it seems like it’s right there in front of me…like I’m on the verge. But when I get closer it just vaporizes into a cloud of disappointment. I feel like I’m constantly letting down the people who care about me — the ones who believe in me… it totally sucks.

I keep trying to —

Optimisticize myself

Work hard

Hone my craft

Network

Buck up

Self-motivate

Keep the door open

Find The Funny

Keep The Faith

Make lemonade

But frankly I feel –

Discouraged

Pessimistic

Frustrated

Like a failure

Sad

Mad

Bad

Blue

Euuuuu

Ugh!

I need to get over myself…

Uhm… I need to book a job!

Liked that? Check out:

• CASTING DIRECTORS: Connecting or Not?
• GOSSIPS: Fanning the Fire
• Communication Gap

stay open to possibility

Yesterday I got a DM from a Twitter Follower asking why I didn’t do a “Happy New Year Resolution Post” again this year. Oops! What did I write last year? Feeling brave I took a look at my lofty 2011 goals to DO, BE and GIVE more!

So much easier said than done –

I won’t start with excuses. I really did try. Some things went better than others. You’ll see. Um, maybe we should go in reverse order:

GIVE MORE –

I’d say I’ve earned a B or B+ in Giving, because this is where I’ve made the biggest strides. I clocked sooo many extra hours in the ER as a Volunteer and I really showed up with my best attitude (seriously!) Okay-okay, so for those of you who can see right through me, yes, there’s an advantage to showing up more in the ER when a certain Dr. Crush is around. But still – I’ve really really committed to helping the people I’m supposed to help whether he’s there or not. Swear!

BE MORE –

This one’s rough, because I actually was a Working Actress (today I got The Descendants screener — so there!) but I haven’t worked in over a year (truthfully longer) so I feel like I’ve totally failed in this area. Sadly, in Acting, if you’re not working you feel like a Wannabe, and that’s kind’a where I’ve been residing for awhile… very unfortunately.  So in this department, I’d say I deserve a C-  and not an F because several very supportive Casting Directors are still calling me in. For some unknown reason, they still think I’ve got it (even though I’m afraid I’ve lost it.) I hope they’re better at convincing the Producers than I am. Sigh…

DO MORE –

I’m trying to be all about the DOORS: keeping them open – and walking through Doorways I’ve never walked through before. So I promised a Commercial Director (in my Sunday Yoga Class) that I’ll be in the edgy short he’s writing|directing|producing. Normally I’d be a little leery, because once it’s been shot, you wanna make sure it won’t shoot a hole in your career (what career?!) But I’m gonna keep the faith as I walk through that Doorway. And then there’s this Music Supervisor (a friend of a friend) who’s gonna teach me what he knows, since I’ve always loved music. Maybe I’ll intern for him if Pilot Season doesn’t work out the way I’m hoping.

But speaking of Pilot Season – I’m going to try really hard this year to NOT second-guess my Audition opportunities. If my representation thinks I can be a separated Siamese-Twin-who-becomes-the first-one-armed-Astronaut, I’ll totally commit. If they call me in to play an 18 year-old Coed, I’ll enthusiastically cheer. Or if they want me to be a mother-of-three, I’ll find that instinct. Whatever opportunities come my way, I’m going for them and NOT LOOKING BACK!

Because next year I want to be able to look my Resolutions squarely in the face and go –

Hoo-ah!

 (What resolutions did you follow through on? C’mon be honest now…)

Liked that? Check out:

• Programming My LIfe
• LAUGHTER = Instant Gratification
• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012

confusing emotions

Ever notice when a Emergency Siren BLASTS just as you’re in the middle of a really happy moment (like falling in love, or celebrating something?) I do. It reminds me that JOY and SADNESS happen at the same moment. There’s never a time when all of the people everywhere are happy… or sad. I guess that’s what makes the world work in a weird way.  Unfortunately or fortunately we have to experience each emotion to understand the difference, as a basis of comparison, kind’a like SALTY and SWEET. I mean, even Fairy Tales have tragedy (sadly, Bambi and Cinderella lose their Moms.)

Nightmare Night-Shift –

At the Hospital last night I ended up staying past my ER Shift, way into the morning hours.  Every once in awhile in the ER, you get to know repeat patients and their families. Sure, you recognize Frequent Fliers (there for drugs) or Homeless People (there for food). But I’m talking about Patients who come in for chronic problems, along with their family members who love, worry and support them.

So last night this wonderful Hispanic Family brings in their 70 year-old Abuela (recently-widowed, mother of 13, grandmother of 31) with breathing problems and chest pains. I’ve seen them many times before, due to Abuela’s chronic health issues.

Surrounded by her hard-working and loving family (all became American Citizens btw) Abuela’s MUCH WORSE than usual. She’s weak, sweating, disoriented and gasping for breath. No Triage Nurses are around (strangely) so I rush her through the Trauma Door and suddenly the Charge Nurse grabs her wheelchair, pushes her into into Bed 1, hoists her onto the gurney –

CODE BLUE!
Staff storms in!
Paddles!
Curtain swishes CLOSED!
Frantic NOISE!
Then… NOTHING…
DEAD SILENCE!

Standing there dazed, I barely notice when the Psyche Nurse taps me on the shoulder and asks me to bring the Family into the PEDS WAITING ROOM (aka “The Bad News Room.”)

When there are no words…

Outside the door, I hear painful GASPS and SOBS! I swallow my heart. But stay… and wait… and wait.

When the Psyche Nurse walks out, I walk in. I try to comfort Abuela’s distraught daughters and sons, but what can you really say? NOTHING. You can HUG and LISTEN, but that’s really all you can do in a situation like this. Oh yeah, you also CRY… because it stirs up… MEMORIES…

At 5:30 AM (looking my ugliest) I’m in the elevator on my way to the parking lot, and a Man says, “Evie?” (Oh, It’s the Nice Dad of an old HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND I haven’t seen in years. Usually I’d be bummed, looking so awful, but today I don’t even care.)

Why are you in the hospital, is everything okay?

A proud grin –

_ _ _ _ _ _  (patient confidentiality) just had a baby!  Come see!

So I do…

And that’s what I mean about HAPPY/SAD…

(What Happy/Sad Moments have you experienced this year already? Or ever?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Courage: The Heroes who have it
• Resolutions Revisited

if only I could affect the future

Last year I tried out a few New Year’s Superstitions (NOT all 20). If nothing else, I had a good laugh.  I opened all of the windows — let the old year escape, danced around a tree, and let my dirty locks flow through the air (oh yeah, I was a sight to behold!)

The Jury’s Still Out –

I have no idea if they worked or not, but things could be a lot worse! I’ve just researched 20 more and figure they’re worth trying. You never know…

WEAR NEW CLOTHES on New Years Day and you’ll get more during the year –
(isabel marant? vanessa bruno? barneys? hope-hope!)

NOISE MAKERS:. Blast the Fireworks, Ring Church Bells — scare away the meanies –
(time to blast Briana!)

MIDNIGHT KISS that person you’ll want to rekiss all year –
(guess I’ll be working the ER night shift…hmmm…)

DRAIN THE BOTTLE and good fortune will come your way –
(a little suggestive, isn’t it?)

JUMP SEVEN WAVES and THROW FLOWERS INTO THE SEA for good luck –
(if you’re not near the ocean, you might have a problem)

SCATTER COINS around the house so money will come your way all year round –
(this seems pretty obvious — just look for it in your house)

HIDE KNIVES in the house for 24 hours so no one will be hurt and the fortune will remain undisturbed –
(sounds like the beginning of a horror flick)

LIGHT UP the house so the coming year will be bright –
(this sounds like something my mom would’ve made up)

WEAR POLKA DOTS – anything round signifies prosperity –
(this might be tough to pull off, unless you’re a clown)

JUMP 12 TIMES at midnight to increase your height –
(maybe do this before you drain the bottle, otherwise things could get messy) 

EAT STICKY RICE, to make good fortune stick in the New Year –
(I love Asian food anyway)

WORK IT OUT: Do a sample of the work you’d like to have loads of in the year –
(I’ll be making a tape to send Jason Reitman!)

FIRST FOOTING: The first person to enter your home after the stroke of midnight will influence the year you’re about to have –
(i’ve got an emergency —  a certain doctor needs to stop by!)

FILL YOUR POCKETS on New Years Eve you will never have an empty pocket in the New Year –
(i need a pocket full of miracles)

WALK YOUR LUGGAGE out of your house and around the block encourages travel in your New Year.
(or travel to the nearest mental facility if anyone notices you doing this)

EAT GREENS and you’ll have lots of green money in the coming year.
(La Scala chopped salad?)

THROW RICE GRAINS at midnight and you’ll have an abundance –
(of what? Rice? Weddings? A mess to clean up?)

Put a GOLD RING in your champagne glass and you’ll have prosperity –
(unless you swallow it — then life will be a lot shorter)

CLIMB A CHAIR 12 times will make you find a boyfriend or girlfriend next year –
(wait.. how do you climb up a chair?)

BE UNDER THE TABLE and WEAR RED UNDERWEAR at midnight and you’ll get married next year –
(I’m not telling you what color underwear I’ll be wearing, but if you’re under the table with me, you might find out! ahaha!)

(What superstitions do you follow on New Year’s Eve?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Resolutions Revisited
• Programming My LIfe
• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer

cute card from zazzle.com

OMG! We’re here already! HO HO HO and Hanukkah are happening simultaneously – Ready or NOT!

Merriment and Melancholia

I love the holidays. I hate the holidays. We drive ourselves crazy; go into debt; reminisce about how things used to be; miss our loved ones who aren’t here…  Still, we CELEBRATE Holidays year after year!

LOVE

• Discovering thoughtful and unexpected gifts
• DIY Creations
• Sparkle-y lights everywhere!
• Wrapping Presents
• Baking Cookies and Cupcakes
• Decorating  (I’m one of the Light Bulb Store’s best customers)
• Cold weather (even in Los Angeles it’s BRRRR… this year)
• Great movies
• Dressing up
• Christmas Parties
• Connecting with people I love
• Internet shopping (sooo much easier!)
• Having an excuse to do something for a certain doctor

HATE

• Aggressive drivers (hey Man, we’re all in a hurry – chill!)
• Running out of time
• Crowded stores
• Picked-over merchandise
• Stressed-out people who snap at me.
• Disappointing anyone.

I wish no one had to be sick or in the Hospital. I wish disadvantaged people in bad situations could go POOF! and make it better. The Holidays can’t be happy for everyone at the same time. But…. even with the Love/Hate situation, the thing we all LOVE MOST about HOLIDAY GIVING is that it brings the people we love together. And that’s really the BEST PRESENT OF ALL, right?

Merry Merry/xo!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVaFoAIVzok

(what do you love and hate about the holidays?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012
• Resolutions Revisited
• 20 More NEW YEAR’S EVE SUPERSTITIONS

it'll take more than reading a book

My brain has been stuck on COMPUTERS this week. It started with the news reports about the high-tech-intelligence-gathering-Drone that ended up in Iranian hands, freaking everyone out!

JAMES BOND would know what to do –

What I don’t get is why in this day and age there isn’t a button the CIA can press that makes the Drone self-destruct. I’m certainly not a techie (obv!) but it seems very 007-101 to me.  And even if our team doesn’t want the Drone to explode in someone’s face, can’t they make it melt or something?

I mean — EVERYTHING seems do-able in computers these days… EVERYTHING! Our entire WORLD is computerized — everything except for MY LIFE – which gets me thinking…

What If…

… I could program MY LIFE like a MAC ?

I would -

• FORMAT my career, starting with me starring in a feature, directed by Jason Reitman, written by Diablo Cody!
• ZOOM IN on the best night of my life (before the “until…”)
• ZOOM OUT on the worst (after the “until”).
• INSERT myself into the cast of MODERN FAMILY (hint-hint, Steve Levitan).
• EDIT myself before I say a less-than-witty-thing in an Audition (like the one last month where the Casting Director actually turned RED after I spoke).
• PARENTAL CONTROLS I’d censor myself from some of my impulsive choices —  like doing-the-wrong-thing-in-the-wrong-place-at-the-wrong-time.
• UNDO my mistakes: like the career faux pas that sucked me into hospital hell!
• REBOOT – and get everything back to the way it was…

BUT… if I could control everything, some of the GOOD THINGS that come out of the bad would no longer be possible – like meeting Dr. Crush in a place I’d never go if I’d ever had a choice in the matter.

Maybe what MATTERS is what we make of the moments that don’t go RIGHT.  Sigh…

Oh well, I guess it’s a blessing I can’t channel STEVE JOBS,  ahaha!

(How would you computerize your life if you could?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Resolutions Revisited
• Finding our Way (with a little help from our friends)
• GOOD LUCK – Wishing and Hoping…

Let 'em roll!

The best part of Holiday Shopping is in the DISCOVERY. When you happen upon a SPECIAL FIND you know it.

I love gifts that make people smile or Oooooo and Ahhhhh or go –

“Wow, how do you find this stuff?”

Gifts don’t have to be expensive. They just need to be THOUGHTFUL– and CAREFULLY SELECTED, so the recipients know you “get” them. (When someone “gets” me, I feel all glittery inside — ‘specially a certain someone!)

12 FUN FINDS (most of which I wouldn’t mind getting btw, ahaha!)

• BANTER BANNERS  @$10 (“Good Times” ,“Celebrate” , “No Place Like” –  everyone LOVES them!)
• QUOTABLE MATCHBOX PACKS @$11.95  (“Shine Eternally”, “A Great Flame Follows a Little Spark”)
• JONATHAN ADLER SUGAR POP CANDLES  @$38 (a yummy companion to the quotable matchboxes)
• JAMES PERSE T-SHIRTS for Guys @$45+ (soft and comfy like the faves he can’t give away)
• SPLENDID TANKS FOR WOMEN  @$38+ (great colors and styles for every shape)
• MEN’S SOCKS FROM BARNEYS @$19+ (solids, stripes, designer-y to classic, from England and Italy for every closet and budget)
• ANTIPAST SOCKS FOR WOMEN @$30+ (the ultimate in cool Japanese style — I love the lacey-netty-sparkly ones)
  
• SUE DEVITT LASH INTENSIFIER TREATMENT AND LENGTHENING MASCARA @$49 (for fabulous flirtatious lashes – promise!)
• Macally Mini 7-Port USB Hub @$19.99 (seriously, I don’t know how I lived with out this before – it gets all of those ugly computer wires off your desk)
• MAGIC TRACKPAD @$69 (when I upgraded my Mac to Lion I got this and it’s just like using an iPad, or iPhone — so much easier)
• TRUZZLES $69.99 + (French, fabulous and the perfect table accessory for anyone who lives in style or wants to)
• Dexter Ice Truck Killer Thumb Drive @ $39.95 (you MUST know someone you’d like to give the finger to, ahaha!)

Thumbs up!

(Please share your SPECIAL FINDS in the comments — I’d love to know about more!)

Liked that? Check out:

• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012
• HALLOWEEN & the Scary Job Market!
• INFOLIST: Oh, the possibilities…

Feelin' it

Life is not exactly according to plan…still…there are so many reasons to say “Thanks!

Hug everything and everyone you have!

I’m THANKFUL that –

Liked that? Check out:

• FEELING CONFLICTED: ER Volunteer
• Hearing Voices or Am I Just Getting a Headache?
• Back to the Grind: VOLUNTEERING IN THE ER

Am I in or out?

As an Actor my sense of self-worth is unfortunately tied to the attitude of the last Casting Director I’ve seen. Right now I’m not exactly in the find-the-funny-frame-of-mind, because in November and December when Auditions are so few-and-far-between, a low self-esteem period can seem endless and hopeless

VIBES FROM CASTING DIRECTORS

A lot of Casting Directors tend to put out negative vibes. I get the sense that if they could’ve been actors, well…they would’ve.  I don’t get a hugely creative vibe from the majority — which is kind of crazy, considering the job they’re setting out to do. Of course there are EXCEPTIONS, and once you do a good job for one, it’s likely that his/her attitude will shift from unnerving to something more encouraging.

WAITING FOR A SIGN

I always look to the CD after I’ve finished my read to see if I get silent feedback like a nod or a wink or a thumbs up, which does actually happen. They’re not really allowed to speak once the producers are in the room. It’s almost as if they’re also on trial at that point. So I find that I’m not the only one trying to impress the people in the room. And I feel this responsibility to the CD to show him/her off, in return for bringing me into the room in the first place.

At a recent Audition for a rather large role in a big studio comedy, I walked in, smiling enthusiastically –

I would love to play this part!

Then, from the Head of Casting  –

“Well, here’s your chance, with this tone in her voice that implied, It will NEVER happen!

That was fun.

Afterwards I mentioned to my Agent, that it was a really weird room and the next day we found out that the miserable woman had been fired.

So I’ve learned that it’s really not so much about me.  Of course when I get a good response from a CD, I’m elated all day. The next day however, when I haven’t heard any word about getting the job, well… that’s a different story.  Sigh…

(Now remind me again —  why did I think that becoming an Actor was a good idea?)

Liked that? Check out:

• Actors Keep Track: Pilot Season 2012
• Resolutions Revisited
• Programming My LIfe