Funny Stories + Hollywood Hurts | Evie Stewart's Funny Bone » trauma queen

Changing the Channel to Community Service

Evie — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:17:59 +0000

it's really smart+funny

I really like Joel McHale’s new series ‘Community’ (except that, no offense, but I so should be playing Britta), so I’m online looking for some of the extras when I find this instead –

This article called “Community service as a TV theme” on LATimes.com today that talks about all of the networks spotlighting giving back, so it’ll be a recurring theme on daytime, prime time, all-the-time shows on NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox and cable.

Meanwhile, I’ve been cast in the real world as a volunteer and NO ONE will be tuning in to me.

It’s all being done by iParticipate and if you go to their website you’ll see Ashton, Demi, Faith Hill…

But again – NO ME.

Still, I can’t help but feel some of the Obama-esque pride of giving back (even though I’m being forced to) because it doesn’t matter how you get there, it only matters that you’re making a difference, right?

Right?

RIGHT?!

(Are you volunteering (on purpose) for something?
Let me know… and if you volunteer for a hospital and especially for an ER, let me know how you manage with all that hand-washing… I’m going through gobs of hand lotion every shift!)

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How To Get That Part —

Evie — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:09:47 +0000

–that you’re just perfect for?

Don’t do what I do.

this is worse than the Hollywood casting couch!

The only part I get all summer is my worst nightmare. I don’t want it, I’m not going to be any good at it, I hate just thinking about it.

Can’t I just pass?

Seriously, ANYTHING but a hospital.
I get it, community service, fine.
Trash pick-up, food service, crossing-guard, whatever.

JUST NOT THE E.R.!

I’m not the right girl. I’ve never been the nurse type — except for in a few scenes, and I wasn’t even that convincing. I’m repulsed by even the thought of blood, needles, tubes of yucky fluids… getting a little queasy now…

We were talking about Mom today, she was so much more a glass-half-full person than I am. She’d tell me, like always, to find something funny in whatever hospital hell they assign me, but…

I’m sorry Mom— this is different, this is the E.R.
I’m not as good at that as you were…

There’s nothing funny about this.

And if there is, I just can’t find it.

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Remember your first time?

Evie — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:53:13 +0000

Everybody’s doing it.
They say it’s natural, it’s fun, they say “relax, just do it!” but all I can think is –

IT’S SO NOT ME.

Is it supposed to be this embarrassing and revealing? Am I supposed to feel this vulnerable and scared? There’s this tingling sensation, but I’m not sure it’s the right time for me. I’m not sure I’m ready.

What if I do it wrong?

What if I seem like a dork?

What if everyone talks about how bad I am at it?

What if I get stuck in the wrong place?

With all this build up and tension and exposure and risk and pressure and comparison and intimacy and doubt and revealing… I mean, c’mon, who can enjoy this?

And what goes where?

It’s like I’m seventeen.
And naked.
And it’s my first time.

I get it. I mean, I get that I have to get it. I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it, but other people have so much more experience getting it than I do, and they’ve already got it.

I’m only doing this for Josh, just so you know.

He's making me touch it~

(I can’t believe my fingers have to go there…)